Baby, don't go
by Jlynne33
Summary: Edward and Bella are engaged in a very intense, and controlling relationship. They fight hard, and love even harder until something from his past comes back to haunt him. Bella leaves him and Edward is forced to reevaluate the life he has been living.
1. Chapter 1

She thought that by now she would be used to the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. But as she sat lightly peeling at the label on her beer she could barely contain her shudder. Another dive bar, another gig, just part of being with Edward. His music was his life, he had made that perfectly clear from the beginning. She met Edward when she was eighteen. Her and her best friend Alice had snuck into a dive bar in Seattle that Edwards band had been playing at. He saw her from the stage and she felt like he was singing to her all night. After his set he had jumped off stage just barely taking time to remove his guitar and prowled towards her. He had put a hand on her hip and backed her towards the bar in a way that was far too familiar and should have repulsed her, she had been hooked. It had taken him months to figure out that she was barely legal and when he had he had thrown a beer bottle and growled to "get the fuck out." She had cried for a week before she received a text message that simply read, "Amigos 10pm." She showed up for his set and had gone home with him, six months later and she still hadn't left yet. When she had gone to her dad's to pack a bag he had screamed not to come back, she didn't bat an eyelash. Being with Edward was like breathing, but breathing on a brutally cold days, each intake burned your lungs, but the alternative was death.

Watching the stage now she was just as enthralled as the first night as she watched his fingers dance along the strings and his eyes scrunch as he wailed out the lyrics he had written. She was sitting at a round table with Alice, who had started dating Jazz, Edward's drummer. Bella frowned when her view was obstructed by two men sitting across from them at their table. The men started running the usual game and Bella rolled her eyes and snorted when Alice openly laughed at them. Clearly they weren't getting the hint and each scooted closer to the girls. Bella gave the blond one a funny look when he started whispering in her ear something about his name being 'James' and how much he'd like to buy her a drink. She was trying to lean away when she bumped shoulders with Alice who was clearly trying to do the same. Bella's jaw dropped when she felt the mans hand stroking her bare thigh. She turned to tell him off, when there was the tell-tale screech of the wrong chord. Bella quickly squeezed her eyes shut before turning towards the stage. Her eyes opened in time to see Edward yanking the plug from his amp and tossing his guitar to the bass player before stalking towards their table. Bella jumped to her feet and held both hands in front of herself, ready to make excuses. He just shot her a look that had her stumbling into her chair and away from the table. Alice looked between Bella and Edward alarmed before turning towards Bella and walking to her. Bella was watching with a stricken look on her face as Edward grabbed James' shirt and hauled him to his feet. Edward was wearing a grin on his face, but his eyes were cold as ice. Bella knew the look well and started to step forward to diffuse the situation. Edward shot his cold eyes towards her, which had her freezing in place and lifting a shaking hand to her mouth just as Edward's fist plowed into James' face. Bella shut her eyes and slid boneless onto a stool near the bar. She heard Alice gasp next to her and she was beyond mortified. When she opened her eyes again, James' friend was hitting Edward from behind. As Edward rounded on him Bella saw Jazz approach and toss the friend off of Edward. Bella breathed an internal sigh of relief until she saw James lift her forgotten beer bottle and strike Edward from the side. She surged to her feet fearing that Edward was truly hurt, only to see Edward turn with the same ugly grin on his face, looking beyond dangerous with a line of blood coursing down his temple. She saw James stumble back, clearly not expecting Edward to still be standing. By the point an all out brawl had begun in the dive bar, the testosterone was overwhelming. Alice dragged Bella by her elbow out the door to the cars. Alice was trying to shove Bella into her car when she stopped suddenly. Bella looked over her shoulder to see Edward standing a few feet away looking at her with a hard stare. He looked so menacing with blood on his face and knuckles that Bella shuddered. Alice looked back at her and started trying to put her back in the car.

Edward stepped forward and grabbed Bella's arm and yanked her to him. Alice went wild then, screaming at him to unhand Bella. Jasper came into the scene then and pulled Alice to his truck and put her in the passenger seat with her screaming at Edward the whole time. Jazz looked over his shoulder one time and connected eyes with Edward before shaking his head sadly and getting in his truck to drive away. Bella could see Alice screaming at Jazz now in the car, but she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning to Edward. She opened her mouth to try and apologize or make an excuse, anything to stop what she was dreading happening next. He simply clenched his jaw and said one word, "don't."

With that Edward stalked to his car and yanked open the driver's side and got in. It was clear she was to follow him, and really she never considered not doing what he wanted. On the drive to Edwards apartment Bella continually snuck glances at him. She shuddered at the sight of his clenched hands on the steering wheel, they were in a white-knuckle grip with ugly lines of blood smeared across them. His expression was grim and he was concentrated on the road with a glare that told her it was best not to breathe, let alone try and talk to him. Edward pulled into his parking lot and strode towards the door, not even checking to see if she was following, he knew she was. She hesitantly stepped through the door that he had left open and saw that he was nowhere to be seen. She glanced at his tattered sofa and the coffee table covered with empty beer bottles, and sat down to wait. She heard the shower start and let out a relieved sigh, he was trying to calm himself down. Bella rose and quickly began straightening up the living room. She carried the empties to the kitchen and grimaced when she saw the dishes in the sink, and quickly started on those. She was rinsing a plate when she felt him at her back. She jumped slightly and dropped the dish into the soapy water. His hand was at her hip and his breath was on her neck. Her eyes drifted shut as he swept her brown curls to the side and ran his nose up the column of her neck to her ear. Her grip tightened on the side of the sink as goose bumps broke out on her delicate skin.

"You're mine. No one else fucking touches you. Ever." Edward's raspy voice growled in her ear. Bella gasped in shock at the contrast of his words to his actions. Then suddenly her back was cold and she was alone in the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

**S. Meyer created the original characters. She's a goddess.

Panic seized Bella and she quickly followed Edward into the living room. He was staring out the window into the alley way that was their view. She stared at him for a moment, opening and closing her mouth, trying to come up with the words to say. She was wringing her wet hands and started to reach out to him, only to pull them back. She looked up to see him staring at her through the reflection on the window. He turned slowly to her and she knew her time was up. She was biting her lip and staring at him with tears in her eyes.

"I didn't want him to touch me, I promise, I was trying to stop him." Bella pleaded with Edward in her quiet voice. She looked at his eyes and then down at the stained tan carpet, and then up again when he was silent.

Edward stepped toward her with his hand outstretched and she held her breath and tried not to flinch. His hand brushed her cheek as he threaded his fingers through her hair. Bella's eyes drifted shut and she let out a breath. Edward drew her into his chest and she inhaled deeply, grateful for his very presence. The smell of cigarettes, beer, and just Edward, she was home.

The change was so sudden that she didn't have time to blink. His hand tightened painfully in her hair and he drew her head back to stare down into her face, "Then why the _fuck_ are you dressed like that?" He said as he gave her the once over with a sneer on his face. She quickly looked down at her dark denim skirt and plain black t-shirt. She quickly grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as he tried to step away.

"Baby, no please, I-I thought you would like it. I don't want anyone else to want me, just you. I promise!" Bella was pleading with him, still clutching his shirt.

"You dress like a whore, and you'll get treated like one. _Baby._" Edward said with a cold smirk on his face. Bella felt tears start to course down her cheeks. He pried her hands from his shirt gently, but with the cruel smirk still in place.

Bella clenched her fists at her side. Nothing hurt more than when he called her names. There was a time when she would have yelled at him. She soon realized that life without him was no life at all and she couldn't risk the chance he'd leave her. She looked up at him through wet eyes and placed her hands gently against his chest.

"Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for him to talk to me. It happened and I'm so sorry, I can't take it back. I don't want him, I swear. I've only ever wanted you, you know that." Bella said while looking up at him shyly.

Edward placed his hands on her hip and looked to the side. He lifted one bruised hand to his hair and ran it through the messy locks, which his fisted momentarily before looking back down at her.

"I know, I just, I can't fucking stand it when assholes even look at you. You're mine." He growled the last part.

Bella ran her hands up his chest to his shoulders and to the base of his neck. "He was nothing Edward, I promise. I only want you." She threaded her hands through his hair and gently pulled him down to meet her. She kissed him gently and whispered that it was only him against his mouth. His hand tightened on her hip briefly and then he was dragging her closer and fitting her tiny body against him.

"I can't let some asshole just touch like that Bella. I can't. You're so lucky I didn't kill that Motherfucker. I wanted to." He said while looking into her eyes, she believed him.

Bella took a deep breath and just kept kissing him. It wasn't long before he fisted the bottom of her shirt and tore it from her body. She bit his lip and tugged in into her mouth as his hands raced across her newly exposed skin. "Please Edward, I need you baby." If she knew he still loved her, it would all be ok, she just needed to know.

He bent at the knees and hooked his hands behind her thighs and hauled her up around his waist. Bella sucked in a surprised gasp and groaned when she felt the evidence that he still needed her against her center. She laced her fingers into his hair tightly and kissed him harder than she had before and thrust her tongue against his. Edward groaned and started moving them towards their bedroom. When she bit his lip again he growled and stopped in the hallway only to pin her against the wall. Bella's breathing picked up when she felt him reach underneath her bunched up skirt and rip her flimsy lace panties from her body. She only gave a moments pause to think that he didn't even see them when she had painstakingly picked them out to turn him on. All thoughts left when she felt him roughly slide one finger inside of her.

"This is mine. No one elses." Edward growled into her ear. Bella let out a startled breathy scream and dropped her head back against the wall. He pumped into her a few more times before reaching between them once again to undo his pants. "Do you understand?" Bella nodded quickly, chanting "Your's" a few times. He simply let his pants fall to the floor without even bothering to kick them away. He hitched her up higher on his waist and lined them up and slid into her. Bella gasped as she felt Edward stretch her and bite down on her shoulder. She started clawing at his shirt and finally got him to lean away from her and rip it off. He started to move in and out of her at a frantic pace that had Bella clutching onto him and banging against the wall. She started to feel the tension build inside of her even though there hadn't been any build up. She started clawing at his shoulders and back and felt his grip tighten on her hips. Moments later he latched onto her bottom lip and shuddered against her, right as her own climax came rushing through her body. Edward leaned against her body for a few moments, just breathing harshly into her neck while she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I love you." Bella whispered softly against his hair. She felt his hands squeeze her sides gently before he slid out of her and pulled away. He leaned down and kissed the corner of her mouth before lifting his pants and heading to the bedroom.

Bella let her head fall back against the wall and shut her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. After a moment she pushed away from the wall and headed to the bathroom to clean up and get ready for bed.

When she entered the dark bedroom she saw that he was already on his side under the blankets with his eyes shut. She quickly grabbed his shirt form earlier and slipped it on with a new pair of panties before crawling into bed. She put her hand on his shoulder and gently traced the lines of his intricate tattoo that spanned his left shoulder blade and continued across his bicep and chest. She kissed the lines before rolling over and closing her eyes.

Bella awoke some hours later to pitch black. Her eyes fluttered in confusion until she realized what had woken her up. Edward had rolled in his sleep and was holding her from behind with his neck buried in her hair. "I love you so fucking much." His sleep hoarse voice whispered into her hair. Bella smiled into the darkness and let her eyes fall shut as she laced her fingers with his at her stomach. Everything would be alright, she was home.

**Author's note: Should I keep going? Do you love it or hate it? Give me some feedback my darlings! Xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry for the delay lovelies! For all that reviewed- I love you more than I could ever say! Xoxo- Jenna

The next morning Bella's phone was flooded with missed calls and texts from Alice. By the time she had gotten up Edward had already left the apartment. She tried not to be hurt that he hadn't even said goodbye. With a sigh, she went about her morning routine and then finished straightening up the apartment. When she finally realized she could put it off no longer she sat down on the couch to call Alice. She wasn't greeted with a 'hello', but with screaming questions. When Bella finally calmed her down and agreed to meet her for shopping in twenty minutes, she was able to hang up.

When she arrived at the mall, she was surprised to see Jasper waiting there with Alice. She had figured he would be somewhere with Edward. Alice rushed up and squished her in a hug and pulled back to give Bella the once over, clearly inspecting her for marks. Bella rolled her eyes and lightly pushed her away muttering 'Jeez Alice' under her breath.

"Oh my god B, are you alright? I've never seen anything scarier than Edward last night!" Alice exclaimed while looking over her still.

Bella shuffled uncomfortably with her eyes shifting to Edward's best friend and back to Alice, "Al, I'm fine. I promise. You just misunderstood the situation. Everything was fine after we left…those guys just made him mad for a minute."

She glanced back at Jasper to see him staring at her intently, before he broke contact and pulled Alice to him and whispered in her ear. Alice just nodded absently as Jazz walked away. Alice swung back to her, "Listen Bella, if you need a place to go, you know you can stay with me." Alice said in a hushed voice.

"Al, I promise, it's all good. It was a one time thing." Bella said with a fake smile as she pulled Alice along to another store.

Later that night Bella returned to their apartment to find Edward on the couch with three guys and a handful of girls scattered around their living room. Bella paused inside the door and made eye contact with Edward. He smiled his slow smirk at her and levered himself off the couch. He grabbed her hand and led her to their bedroom. Once inside he gently pushed her against the door with his hands on her hips and leaned into her kissing her slowly. "Hey baby, I missed you. Where have you been all day?" His voice was soft and slow, just like the bourbon he had been drinking by the smell of things.

Bella returned his kiss while placing her hands low on his abs, "I went to the mall with Alice and Jazz. I picked up something that you might like later." Bella looked at the ground and then up at him through her lashes with a shy smile.

Edward groaned and pushed into her a little harder. "Show me now, no one will even notice we're gone."

Bella's cheeks turned an almost painful shade of red, "Baby you know I don't like that sort of thing. Just get rid of them." Edward was always pulling her off into rooms backstage at the bar or bathrooms at parties, and it honestly made her pretty uncomfortable. Edward was the first person she had been intimate with and she didn't have enough experience to feel comfortable with his obvious advances.

"I can't just kick them out Bella. I invited them over to hang out," Edward said with clear annoyance in his voice. "I need you now though," he said as he ran his hand up the back of her thigh.

Bella hesitated and stiffened momentarily, "Edward…" she trailed off when one hand slipped to her ass and the other up the inside of her shirt. Bella bit her lip and closed her eyes, determined to make Edward happy and enjoy his touches. She tried pretending they were alone but then the bathroom door slammed shut in the hallway and quickly brought her back to the present. Edwards shirt was off and he was working on the button on her jeans when she stiffened again. With a groan, Edward let his head fall against the door jam. "Really Bella? Just go with it Baby, you know I need you," he said in gravelly voice as he ground his arousal into her stomach. Bella just bit her lip and nodded and leaned into kiss his neck.

It was fast and rough, not unpleasant, but not the best they had ever had either. Bella stayed leaning against the door when Edward pushed away from the jam and sat on the bed to pull on his shirt that had been tossed in that direction. He quickly dressed and stood up, when he got to the door he paused and leaned down to kiss her while holding her cheek, "You know I love you. No one makes me feel like this. I hate how much I fucking need you." With that Edward left her in the room alone with her thoughts. His words were such a mix of pleasure and pain for her, like most things in their relationship. Bella quickly locked the door and dressed in panties and one of Edward's shirts before crawling into their bed. She curled herself into a ball around Edward's pillow and let silent tears course down her cheeks. There were times she wished she was stronger, strong enough to walk away. She loved him so much that she was losing herself. Everyday it seemed she said goodbye to a part of her that she never thought she would lose. Before Edward she was a normal girl, just graduated high school, living with her police chief father, virgin, straight A student, and all around shy, quiet girl. Somehow in the course of a few months, all of that had changed. She had deferred from college for a year, and now was basically just living off of Edward. He never said anything, but sometimes she felt like she owed him everything. Edward came from old money, he never talked about it, but Alice had told her the information she had gained from Jasper. Edward apparently did everything he could to deflect the pretty, rich boy stereotype he had grown up with. He rarely talked to his parents, and when he did it was always explosive. However, at twenty-six, there wasn't much they could do to stop his wild ways, or control the trust fund his grandparents had left him. That didn't stop him from working, Edward worked as a piercer at a local tattoo parlor. This career choice had afforded Bella with a tiny diamond stud in her nose, as well as an industrial through her cartilage. Edward often tried to get her to let him pierce her nipples or clit, but that was one thing she had no trouble denying him. She wasn't ready to deviate that far from Chief Swan's baby girl. He swore it would be an erotic experience that would bring them so much closer, she argued, asking if it was erotic with all the girls he pierced. He wisely shut the hell up. Bella may have been the weaker person in the relationship, but that didn't stop her from being insanely jealous, and vocal about it. It was difficult dating a gorgeous, bad boy, rocker, he came home from work and gigs with numbers stuffed in his pockets. He always threw them in the trash at the end of the night, but that didn't stop Bella from seeing them.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut at tried to block out the bass that was coming from the living room. She could hear laughing and party sounds through the thin walls and it was nearly impossible to settle down for the evening. Eventually, her eyes fluttered shut with her still clutching the pillow in her lonely bed.

The next morning Bella dressed quickly in jeans and a torn Smith's t-shirt before exiting the bedroom. When she walked into the living room she stopped abruptly and just stared. There were beer bottles on most available surfaces and a boy laying on the floor with two half naked women sleeping on his chest. Her eyes darted to the couch where she saw Edward sleeping sitting up with a red haired skank sleeping with her head in his lap. Bella began to see red, and was about to yank the bitch off of Edward's junk when her eyes landed on a mirror on the coffee table. There was white powder residue on it with a rolled up hundred dollar bill lying next to it. Bella's hand clutched blindly for the door jam as the room started to spin. All she had given up for this man, all of herself and this was why he couldn't be bothered to come to their bed? Bella grabbed the framed picture of her and Edward that she had placed on the mantel and mindlessly hurled it at the wall beside the couch. Everyone jolted awake and looked around in confusion.

"What the fuck?" Edward questioned with squinted eyes, clearly nursing a hangover.

"Get the fuck out of my house." Bella said in a deadly calm voice.

No one moved.

"I said, Get the fuck out!" Bella screamed.

Edward pushed the girl off of his lap and jumped up and stalked towards Bella, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Bella looked down at the hand clutching her arm and then up into Edwards bloodshot green eyes, "No. What the FUCK is wrong with you, Edward?"

Edward followed her gaze to the mirror and bill and shut his eyes. When he opened his eyes again he looked straight into hers, "You knew what you were getting into Sweetheart, I told you to get out while you still could."

She slapped him. He stared at her. Nobody moved or said anything. After a tense moment Edward turned and asked everyone to leave. And then, when they were alone, she finally fell apart.

"This isn't what love is supposed to feel like Edward."

Edward stared hard at her for a moment, "I know." He said with a defeated sigh.

~~Please review BB's ! You keep me going. I need to know if there's a desire for me to continue. Love you more than anything! Xoxo~~


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thanks for the reviews darlings! You make this fun! Xoxo

Bella stood there in shock. Was this really how it was going to go down? After everything he had put her through, after everything she had put herself through. Her jaw was slightly unhinged and her hands hung loosely at her sides. Edward paced away from her and faced the wall with his hands in his hair.

"I fucking hate it when you look at me like that. Like I let you down," his hands tugging in earnest at his hair now, "I didn't fucking sign up for this. I can't be what you want me to be, Bella."

"I don't ask you for anything, Edward. Nothing." Bella exclaimed as she slid down the wall.

"You think I don't fucking know that? You don't fight me on anything. You take whatever the fuck I throw at you. God, sometimes I wish you'd just…" with a growl Edward threw his fist into the wall, cracking the plaster.

Bella flinched and squeezed her eyes shut, "if you want me to go, well then you have to tell me."

"You think I don't want to tell you to go? Every fucking time you get that look on your face I want to tell you to get the fuck out. But I fucking can't. I don't know what the hell you did to me, but you fucking own me," with that Edward pounded into the wall three more times, splattering blood droplets to the stark white paint.

Bella scrambled to her feet and stumbled to him, taking his fist in her hand, "Please Edward, just stop. I'll do whatever you want Baby, I promise, I'll change it. Just…you're hurting yourself. Just stop." Bella grasped his hand in her tiny one and tried to take the pain away through her touch. At this point there were tears falling down her face and her nose was red.

Edward looked at her with the saddest green eyes she had ever seen and then looked off to the side letting her cradle his hand, "I know you would. That's the point Bells, you just don't get it." He shook his head in resignation and pulled her into his chest with his good arm. He knew she'd never be the one to leave, and he was too selfish to be the one to walk away. They'd made this life together. Now they had to live with it.

Two weeks later found them at yet another gig, in another college dive bar. Things had been better for Edward and Bella, or so she thought. They hadn't fought once and he hadn't had any friends over since their big fight. However, it didn't escape her notice that he'd only made love to her twice, and only kissed her when she initiated it. He was working extra shifts at the tattoo parlor and she had been spending more time with Alice in an effort to escape the lonely apartment. Jasper was usually there when she went over, and she watched in envy as he catered to Alice's every whim. Bella began retreating more and more into herself as Alice watched on in concern. Bella would assure her that everything was fine, but the light in her eyes was duller by the day.

Bella and Alice were sitting at a small table with the other girlfriends while they waited for the guys to take the stage. Bella listened to the conversations around her but didn't participate too much. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up into familiar chocolate eyes, "Oh my god! Jake? What are you doing here?" Bella exclaimed while jumping up from her seat, showing the first excitement she had in weeks.

Jacob enveloped her in a tight hug while laughing and lifting her off her toes, "Bells! It's so great to see you! It's been so long. You never come around anymore," at the end of the sentence he sort of frowned, and it was clear he wanted to add, 'since you left Charlie's' but didn't.

Bella shook it off and continued to beam at him, "No I know, I suck! But you're here now! Why? What brings you to the city?"

"I live here now. I graduated and I'm going to a small school here to get my mechanics license. I want to open my own shop." Bella hugged him again, so proud of him. He had always been great with cars. She could help but noticed how grown up he was now. He was easily a foot and a half taller than her, and had cut off his long locks. Bella smiled again, and then turned to the stage when she heard the band starting. Her stomach got fluttery when she saw Edward staring at her. At first she smiled at him, just happy to see him, but it quickly faded when she saw his eyes darting from her to Jake. Bella made a small shake of her head, trying to convey that he wasn't bothering her, and that Edward should just leave it alone. She saw him look away from her and focus on the crowd and she sighed a huge sigh of relief.

Bella continued to catch up with Jake, eventually exchanging numbers with the promise of getting together soon for lunch. Bella returned to the table to watch the last song with Alice. Alice sent her a huge smile, thinking how nice it was to see a bit of the old Bella. Bella just smiled back and happily swayed to the music with Alice.

After the set was over Jasper wandered over to their table and placed a kiss on the top of both Bella and Alice's heads before sitting down. Bella glanced around in confusion, "Jazz, where's Edward?"

Jasper looked at the table and then at Alice, then back at the table, "Um, I think he's backstage or something. Probably messing around with his guitar. You know how he is Bells."

Bella frowned at him before rising from the table and heading towards the back. She made her way down the hall and found the small seating area backstage for the bands. When she got there she saw Edward leaning over a leggy blond as she held a tiny spoon to his nose. Bella fought the bile that rose in her throat at the sight. Edward looked up and locked eyes on her. He didn't break his stare at all as he brought his hand to his nose and sniffed deeply. Bella didn't flinch this time. She calmly walked towards him and sat on his knee. Edward frowned slightly and then put his arm around her waist. Bella looked pointedly at the blond next to him and Edward turned towards her, forgetting the woman was even there. Edward nodded and smiled at the chick before picking Bella up and placing her in front of him. He stood up as well and grabbed her hand, walking towards the exit. Together they entered the bar and made their way to the table where Jazz and Alice were. Edward sat and pulled Bella onto his lap. Alice quickly brought them into conversation, while Jazz did his creepy stare into your soul thing with Edward. Jazz eventually shook his head and looked towards Alice and jumped back into her conversation. Edward turned his head to Bella's and stared into her eyes for a moment before fingering her nose ring. Bella knew it made him feel all caveman like he had marked her or something, so she just let him have his fun. However, she had to look away from his eyes, because his fucked up pupils were making her antsy. Edward leaned in and started trailing kisses along her neck and Bella leaned into him with a sigh. She felt his hand creeping along the inseam of her jeans and she quickly covered his hand and moved it to rest on the outside of her thigh. When she looked up, she noticed that while he was kissing her neck, his eyes were focused intently on the bar. Bella turned her head to follow his gaze and saw that he was glaring at Jake at the bar. Bella made a squeak and pulled his face from her neck and turned it to look at her.

"Baby it isn't like that. He's been my friend since I was a toddler. He's just a friend. I promise," Bella said while quietly staring into his eyes. He just nodded briskly and looked back throughout the club.

They just sat around hanging out for awhile, until the grinding of Edward's teeth started to really annoy Bella. She knew that it was a side effect of the coke, and it was driving her crazy. She was trying to not make a big deal of it, because he was right, she could've walked away if she wanted. She loved him, she couldn't pick and chose the parts to love, it was all or nothing. She was pretty positive she wouldn't be able to continue living if she had to chose the nothing.

~~Just wanted to get this scene out of my head. Let me know what you lovelies want next! Xoxo~~


	5. Chapter 5

**S. Meyer owns the original characters and original plot. 

AN: Thank you for the amazing reviews! Those of you who took the time to drop me a line rock! Xoxo

"Have you seen my wallet babe?" Edward called from the bedroom. 

Bella looked at the coffee table and rolled her eyes when she saw it sitting in plain view. She stood up and grabbed it before heading to the bedroom. She tossed it on the bed next to him, where he was bent over tying up his timberland boots. Her eyes swept over him taking in his slightly baggy dark jeans and tight black t-shirt. His forearms were dusted with freckles and black ink, and immediately made her feel fluttery in her stomach.

Edward looked up at her from under his lashes and smirked, "See something you like?"

Bella bit her lip and pushed away from the door frame and headed towards him, "Always," she whispered before lacing her fingers in his hair. He leaned forward and placed a kiss against her stomach and turned his head so he was resting against her wrapping his arms around her waist. 

"I wish I didn't have to go to work. I'd rather stay here with you," he mumbled then looked up at her, "hey, why don't you come in today? You don't have anything to do, do you?"

Bella stared down at him for a moment. She was supposed to be studying. She was going to try and go back to college next semester. She hadn't told Edward yet, and wasn't sure how he would take it. She was putting it off as long as she could. 

She smiled at him and continued to play with his hair before telling him she would try and make it in. He gave her stomach a final kiss before standing up and taking her into his arms. She was a foot shorter than him and only came up to his chest, which is where she placed a kiss when she felt his lips against her hair. With a final squeeze he let her go and walked towards the front door. 

"I'll see you later, ya?" He called with a final look over his shoulder. Bella just smiled and nodded with her arms wrapped around her middle, holding onto his touch.

With a sigh, Bella went back to the couch to start on her studying. She would have to take placement tests when she entered, since she had deferred. She knew why she had made the decision, but now that she was facing the repercussions, she regretted it. She could've found a way to be with Edward and start school if she had really tried. She had been overwhelmed with Charlie cutting her off and made a rash decision. She just hoped that Edward would be okay with her not being around as much. He was used to having her around all the time, and available whenever he needed her.

Hours later and she was still engrossed in the course catalog and pouring over study materials when she received a text from Edward. 

_Where are you? I'm bored._

Bella stared at the phone for five minutes without replying when it vibrated again.

_Baby, come here. _

It definitely didn't sound like a request. Bella sent a quick text saying she would get ready and come see him. 

She got off the couch and went to their room to change. She put on some destroyed jeans and one of Edward's too small Van Morrison t-shirts. She put her hair up in a messy bun and looked into the dresser mirror, quickly swiping on some mascara and lip gloss. She gave herself one last look before grabbing her purse and heading out the door. 

She arrived downtown at the shop after a smelly twenty minute bus ride. When she had left Charlie's he had taken her truck, saying that he had bought it and could certainly take it away. The bell rang above the door when Bella walked in and she quickly waved at Rose, the owners girlfriend who was manning the front desk. Rose barely lifted her eyes from her magazine before pointing to the back to Emmett's tattoo station. 

Bella frowned and wandered back, knocking on the wall before pulling the privacy curtain aside. She saw Emmett bent over Edward's face up forearm. Edward sent her one of his lopsided smiles, he knew they got her every time. This smile was full of his blinding white teeth and not his normal closed smart ass smirk. He gestured for her to come forward and patted his knee. 

Emmett paused momentarily for her to sit on his knee. Edward pulled her back against him and turned her to the side so she was looking at the knew tattoo. In her own awkward hand writing was the beginnings of a _'Be' _and half of an _'l' _intermingled with his existing work. Her throat closed up and she worked to keep her face neutral. She felt Edwards hand on her hip, under her t-shirt, stroking lightly.

"What do you think?" Edward asked with a smirk in his voice. She couldn't look at him. Knowing already what she would find. She just reached under her shirt and laced her fingers with his. Emmett didn't bother looking up. 

"I found your signature on some school papers," Bella felt her stomach drop. He knew.

"Oh, um, yeah, it was just something I was thinking about. Nothing's final yet," Bella stuttered out and tried to turn to face him.

Edward's grip on her hand and hip tightened momentarily before releasing, "I think it's a great idea," he said in a tight voice. 

She wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond, so she just continued to stare at Emmett's continuously moving hand. When he was done and covering Edward's tattoo up, he finally glanced up at her. With a smile that showed off his dimples to perfection he asked her if it was her turn. 

Bella grew flustered and shook her head quickly. Edward's deep laugh shook her slightly as it vibrated against her back. She felt her cheeks burn and turned to bury her face in his neck. Edward chuckled again and swept some tendrils that had fallen from her bun off of her neck before lightly massaging it. They sat there for a while just holding each other before Rose called back that Edward "has some nips to do." With a sigh he picked her up and placed her on the floor before going to the front. 

Bella followed a moment later and saw a pretty girl with strawberry blond hair filling out paper work. Edward was leaning back against the counter next to her on his elbows. She saw that the girl kept glancing up at him sideways under her lashes, and had to grit her teeth not to go and shout "Mine, mine, mine!" in the girls face. 

His black t-shirt had ridden up and was exposing the band of his black Calvin Klein's and a pale sliver of skin and trail of course hair. Bella licked her lips subconsciously and flicked a glance to the girl at the counter, noticing her doing the same. Bella shook her head and scowled. Edward looked up and noticed her look, a slow calculating smirk spread over his features. 

He angled his body towards the girl and leaned over her shoulder to read her paperwork. The girl looked up at him without the blush he was used to from his girl, and it didn't do anything for him at all. He lived for his girl's blush. That didn't mean he wasn't going to have some fun with her. He glanced back at Bella before placing a hand on the girls lower back and directing towards the back room where his station was. 

With a final smirk at Bella he kissed his fingers before touching them to his covered forearm. He sent her a wink and chuckled lowly, shaking his head as he headed back to his station. 

Bella huffed in frustration, and then found herself having to fight the smirk that wanted to grace her features. He was hers and much as she was his. She wondered if she could convince Emmett to add "Property of" in front of the Bella on Edward's forearm. 

~~Review darlings! It truly does mean the world to me! Xoxo- Jenna


	6. Chapter 6

Stephanie Meyer is a goddess- she owns the character's!

Author's Note: This one is for my darling Emziixxx, your reviews make me write faster darling! The tattoo lovin' is for you!

Bella was already asleep when Edward returned home that evening. He had stayed at the shop late hanging with Emmett and Rose and some of the tattoo junkies that always hung out. He quickly washed and tended his new tattoo and brushed the Jack Daniels off of his breath before slipping into the bedroom.

He leaned against the door jam and watched her. The moonlight was bathing her in an ethereal blue light. Her mahogany hair was spread in waves across her shoulders and pillow. She was curled on her side with her hand resting under her cheek. Edward started stripping as he made his way to the bed. He slid in behind her in just his black boxer briefs and curled himself around her back, spooning her. She made a light humming sound and nestled her behind into him. Edward gritted his teeth against the sensation and held her.

He gently swept the hair from her shoulder and fan his nose up the column of her neck before kissing her behind her ear. He could smell himself on her as she had worn one of his discarded high school t-shirt's to bed. She stirred slightly before turning her head toward him for a kiss, neither awake nor asleep. Edward complied and kissed her softly before laying down and nestling his face into her hair and palming her breast. It was only moments before both were asleep.

Bella awoke in the early morning light and smiled when she felt Edward wrapped around her. She remembered falling asleep alone and though it saddened her every time she fell asleep without him, the feeling of waking up with him all around her always made her feel safe. She rolled over so she was facing him but still had his arm draped loosely over her hip. He really was breathtakingly beautiful. When awake he definitely had a 'don't fuck with me' rough sexiness, but in sleep he looked so sweet and innocent. The thought made her smirk.

Feather light she traced her fingers across his eyebrows and down his nose. She trailed her pinky around the edge of his lips, already imagining the feel of them against her. Her hand made the path down his neck, pausing to trace small clover that graced the side of his neck. She continued on to his chest. The top left side of his chest was covered with swirls of black which she knew continued over his shoulder and onto the back of his shoulder blade. Inside the swirls and over his heart was the word Esme. She knew through Jasper that was Edward's mother, though he never talked of his family to her. On the inside of his left wrist she knew he also had the Aesculapius symbol, the staff with two snakes wrapped around with wings, which was the symbol of medicine, for his father Carlisle.

Her eyes went to where her name now graced his forearm. It was so strange to see her handwriting on his body. He had situated it within his existing work, which consisted of a cityscape. She knew it was the Chicago skyline, which is where he grew up and his family had resided for generations. At the top of the skyline was a nightscape and her name was written within the stars and trailing a small airplane.

Her hand traced from his chest and down his abs, drawing slowly across his light red happy trail, before sliding to the left to see poison symbol inside of a jagged heart that graced his hip along the cut V that graced his lower abdomen. Without warning his hand grabbed hers. Her eyes shot up to his face and saw him smirking with his eyes still closed. His hand drew hers slowly to the front of his underwear and she bit her lip. Her explorations had clearly had an effect on him.

She slowly ran her hand along the ridge that was resting against her abdomen. Edward began kissing her passionately. He ran the tip of his tongue along her bottom lip and she eagerly granted him entrance. She eagerly pushed his underwear down his hips and he pulled away to help her and pulled them the rest of the way off. He ran his hand up her outer thigh and palmed her ass, growling when he felt that she wasn't wearing any panties. She lifted her thigh over his hip and started rubbing her center against his erection. Every time the ridge of the head of his cock ran against her clit she let out a breathy little moan.

Edward grasped her hips and pulled her on top of him. She reached between them and positioned him at her entrance. They both moaned as she sank slowly onto him. His hands on her hips guided her at the pace he wanted. He moved her against him so that on ever downward thrust she was grinding against his pelvic bone. Bella leaned down and bit his lip as she began to move faster. He slid one of his hands up her spine and grabbed her hair, pulling her mouth to him. He began thrusting his tongue against hers in tandem with his cock. Her nails dug into his chest and he felt her begin to clench around him. He pulled her face back by her hair so he could watch her fall apart.

"Let go baby. I need to see your face when you come all over me," Edward growled at her. Her moans came louder at his dirty words and she rocked harder against him.

She began chanting 'Oh God' over and over again until she fell apart. She collapsed against his chest and he moved her against him with his hands a few times before lifting her off of him and placing her face down on the bed. He lifted her up by the hips and slammed into her from behind. Bella had recovered and grabbed onto the headboard before she was slammed into it.

Edward glanced down at her bent over before him and let out a primal growl when he took in his t-shirt that she was still wearing, across the back of the faded grey was bold, capitalized "CULLEN". Something just snapped inside him and he put his hands on her ass and started pulling her onto him at a faster pace.

In a low gravely voice he muttered 'mine' in time with his thrusts. Bella agreed with a scream of 'yours!' Bella let out a squeal when she felt his hand land hard against her ass. He spanked her again and when his hand landed he grabbed her ass hard and pulled her to him. Bella screamed his name as she came around him. That was all it took for Edward and with three deep thrusts he spilled into her. They collapsed in a sweaty mess on the bed, panting and laughing.

After showers Bella and Edward left the apartment hand in hand and walked down the block to the coffee shop. Edward walked up to the counter while Bella got them a table by the window. He sat her sweet and light coffee in front her with a kiss to the top of her head and then sat across her with his black coffee. He stretched out in his chair and threw his arm over the back and stared out the window.

While Edward people-watched, Bella Edward-watched. He was wearing vintage ray bans and his hair was its usual mess. The sun coming through the window was making the blond and red highlights shimmer with every move of his body. He was wearing tight destroyed jeans and an old school Chicago Bulls t-shirt. His legs were stretched out and all 6'2 of him was completely relaxed.

Edward turned his attention from the window to Bella and smirked long and slow when he saw Bella biting her lip and perusing his body. He chuckled and shook his head at her while raising his eyebrow. Bella smiled back at him as a blush graced her cheeks. Edward leaned forward and ran his pointer finger down her heated cheek and then kissed her mouth briefly. When he leaned back in his chair a scowl showed up on his face so suddenly that Bella squinted in confusion. His eyes were trained over her shoulder and Bella quickly craned her neck to see what changed his mood so suddenly.

Author's note: Please review my lovelies! You know I love you and your words! What was your favorite Edward tattoo? Don't worry, he has more that we will explore in the near future! xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: So sorry for the delay lovelies L As usual, life got in the way. For those that reviewed- thank you so much! If you didn't, maybe you will this time? HINT HINT…

_When he leaned back in his chair a scowl showed up on his face so suddenly that Bella squinted in confusion. His eyes were trained over her shoulder and Bella quickly craned her neck to see what changed his mood so suddenly_.

Bella looked back and forth between Edward and the woman at the door. The woman was statuesque with long flowing brunette hair. The woman looked as though she had seen a ghost and was standing in the doorway with her gaze intent on Edward. Their gaze was suddenly broken when a business man politely asked the woman to move so he could exit the store.

The woman quickly looked away and then back at Edward before turning and exiting the store. Edward abruptly stood up to follow her, barely sparing Bella a glance until she got up to follow.

"Stay here Bella," Edward said with a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back into her seat, "I'll be right back."

Bella just stared after him with her jaw agape. Her mind began to race with possibilities of who the gorgeous woman could be. She lifted her coffee cup to her lips with shaking hands and turned to stare out the window. She could see Edward and the woman stopped next to a shiny black BMW.

Edward had a grip on her upper arm and was running his hand through his hair agitatedly. He was gesturing wildly and clearly arguing with whoever this woman was. Bella stared on with bizarre fascination, when suddenly the woman reached up and slapped Edward across the face. Bella gasped in horror and lifted her trembling fingers to her mouth. Edward simply dropped his gaze to the ground and let his hand slip from her arm. He made a pleading gesture to her and gripped his hair in a tight fist.

The woman shook her head sadly and looked away, back to him, and then turned and entered the car and drove away. As she passed the front of the café Bella saw the shimmer of tears on her cheek.

Bella turned her gaze back to Edward to see him staring after the car with a blank look on his face. Finally he shook his head and turned back to the café. He halted abruptly when he saw Bella staring at him from the window. She couldn't tell his thoughts, as he kept his eyes covered with his Ray bans.

He ran his fingers through his hair one more time before entering and strolling to their table. With a deep sigh he fell into his chair. Bella simply rapped her now ice cold fingers around her cup and stared into it. She was willing herself not to speak the questions that were racing through her mind.

Edward cleared his throat before leaning forward and prying her fingers from her cup and lacing them with his own, "I'm sorry about that," he said in a gravelly voice, "you shouldn't have had to see that."

Bella jerked her eyes up to his and searched his, "who was that Edward?"

Edward pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head and looked away from her gaze and then back again, "Just an old friend."

Bella scrunched up her nose and frowned, "I don't usually slap my friends…" she trailed off.

Edward snorted and smiled wryly at the table, "yeah well, Kate always was a little dramatic."

"Kate?"

Edward jerked his gaze up to hers, as though surprised by his own admission. "Uh yeah, Kate, we grew up together I guess." Edward stated rather uncomfortably.

Bella nodded and stared at the one hand that was still entwined with his. His thumb was rubbing against her palm in a constant, hypnotic manner. She was entranced at the way his hand dwarfed hers, pleading with herself to focus on that and not the unanswered questions. When he remained silent it became apparent that they would remain unanswered.

With a tug on her hand Edward pulled her up from her seat and into his side. He tucked her against him and she placed her head against his chest. He led them outside and into the bright sun, tugging his glasses from the top of his head and placing them upon her face in a silly, romantic gesture. Bella smiled and shook her head gazing up at him. His hair looked like it was on fire, and he was so handsome that it made her heart hurt.

Later that night they were in the practice space that the band rented in the form of a bare, fourth floor, walk up, loft. Bella was perched atop one of the drum kit cases with Alice. She was playing with the woven bracelet on Alice's wrist and listening idly to the music in the back ground. Alice squeezed her hand tightly and Bella brought her eyes up to hers. Alice nodded towards the door and Bella sighed and stood with her.

Alice laced her hand with Bella's and swung them childishly, making Bella giggle. Alice led her to the roof, where she propped open the door with her shoe and led Bella to the crates that were up there for seating near the edge. She took out a crushed pack of cloves and lit one handing it to Bella, who took a drag and handed it back. They shared the clove back and forth, engulfing themselves in the spicy scent and staring out at the city lights.

"So, are you gonna tell me what has that line between your eyebrows?" Alice asked without looking towards Bella.

Bella shrugged and stared ahead at the cathedral steeple in the foreground. When Alice remained quiet, clearly waiting her out, Bella heaved a sigh and turned sideways on her crate, arranging herself so she was sitting Indian style and picked at the hem of her jeans.

"Edward and I ran into an old _friend_ of his when we were out for coffee this morning."

Alice had turned to mirror Bella's pose, but remained quiet. Bella reached over and played with the frayed hole at the knee of Alice's jeans, "I think she was his girlfriend. He chased her outside and wouldn't let me follow them."

Alice passed her another lit clove, and this time lit one for herself as well. "What did he say about it?" Alice asked in a soft voice. It was such a change from her usual boisterous voice that Bella looked up. Alice was looking at her with soft eyes, that bordered on pitying.

"He didn't say anything really. Just that they had grown up together. But god Ally, things have been so good for us lately. I really don't want it to change." Bella said sadly.

Alice nodded and looked out across the roof, "Do you think this will change it? Did he seem like it changed anything after?"

"No, he was so sweet after she left, like nothing had even happened. But they were arguing Al, and she slapped him! And he let her. I'm just so confused. I mean she obviously means something to him."

Alice took a deep drag and exhaled in tight smoke rings, "Maybe she really is just in the past, maybe he wants to keep her there."

Bella opened her mouth to continue with her neurotic theories when she heard the roof door groan and squeak on its hinges. Both girls turned to the sound and then exchanged a look when they saw that it was Edward and Jasper.

The boys ambled over each holding two beers. Edward handed both of his to Bella before lifting her up and sitting on her crate and arranging her on his lap. He took them back and opened both before handing one to her. She smiled a silent thanks to him and looked over to see Alice and Jasper sitting much that same way.

Bella smirked when Edward lifted her hand to his lips and took a drag from her clove. The familiar crackle of the lit tobacco and spicy cinnamon and nutmeg scent lulled her and she leaned back against Edward's chest. He kissed her temple and wrapped and arm around her tummy. She continued to stare out across the city and let herself become lost in her thoughts to the sounds of Edward's deep voice and Jasper's slow southern drawl as they discussed chord changes and melodies.

::Author's Note:: Sorry again lovelies! You know I adore you and hate to disappoint with delays. Please review, even if it's just to scold me for taking so long! Xoxo- Jenna


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN: Hello my loves! Did pretty well with replying to reviews and updating on time this week! Are you proud of me? I know I added to your questions and turmoil with the last chapter, let's see if we can make up for it this time! **_

_**Later that evening found Bella and Edward out at the local club where they regularly played. Tonight was a night that the club booked a DJ rather than a local band. Alice and Jasper had joined them as well as some of the other guys in the band. They had just arrived and were looking for a table that they could all sit together at. **_

_**Edward pointed to the corner where Emmett and Rose were holding a table. The group made their way over and realized they were a few seats short so Edward and Jasper pulled the girls onto their laps. Rose made Emmett switch seats with her so she could sit closer to the girls. They had become friends since Bella and Edward had started dating as they hung out at the shop a lot when he was working. **_

"_**You girls look fierce!" Rose exclaimed as she pulled on one of Bella's carefully constructed curls. Bella and Edward had gone over to Alice and Jasper's before coming out so Alice could play Bella Barbie and Edward could pre-game with Jas. **_

_**Alice did a ghetto-mama head shake and replied with a, "Don't we know it sister."**_

_**Jasper had a grin on his face and was just shaking his head at her silly antics. He waved over a passing waitress and ordered 3 pitchers of beer and two margaritas for the girls. Bella smirked at him and gave him a relieved thank you, not really feeling beer that night. **_

_**After a few rounds the girls got up and dragged Bella to the dance floor with them. Edward laughed at her obvious reluctance and slapped her on her ass on the way to the floor. She looked back over her shoulder as she was dragged away and caught him and Jasper laughing at her situation. **_

_**Bella groaned as Alice put her hands on her hips to guide her through a sexy sway. Rosalie was standing next to them whipping her hair and shimmying her hips to the beat. The song changed an Alice squealed claiming she 'just loved this song.' It was the remix to Mariah Carey's "obsessed". Alice started dancing with Bella and singing to her. Bella couldn't contain her giggles and began to dance back with Alice as she watched Rose dance in a circle around them pointing to them and singing. **_

_**Bella had her head thrown back laughing when Edward caught her attention. He was leaning up against the bar next to Jasper and was watching her with a smirk. It was no secret that Bella wasn't a natural dancer and she suddenly felt self conscious. That only lasted a few moments before Alice jokingly started 'dropping like it was hot' in front of her. She saw Edward and Jasper laughing at their antics before downing shots of some sort of clear liquid. **_

_**The song changed and this time all three girls squealed. It was Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg's "Next Episode". The song had been popular when the girls were in middle school and the classic had them really moving. They all knew the words and were rapping to each other while dancing in a little three way circle. After the first verse they were approached by Emmett, Edward, and Jasper. Clearly even they couldn't resist the appeal of a classic. **_

_**Edward pulled Bella's hips back against him and did the classic boy- bounce and sway. Bella added an extra swirl to her hips and prayed it came across natural. She turned her attention to the others and burst out laughing when she saw Emmett rapping, clearly thinking he was Snoop Dogg. Rose just shook her head in mock shame at him and danced on the other side of Jasper who was dancing with Alice. It was funny to see sweet and quiet Jasper in a sandwich situation. The tips of his ears turned red but he didn't miss a beat. He was by far the best dancer of the boys. **_

_**The song switched to some Lady Gaga song and with a snort Edward gave her a kiss on the neck before pushing her towards Jasper and walking to the bar with Emmett. Alice pulled Bella into her front while she continued to grind against Jasper and Rose was dancing against his back. Alice knew all the words and was singing loudly. Bella was the only one who could see Jasper's face and was giggling uncontrollably at him as he also sang the words, though at a much quieter decibel.**_

_**After the song finished Jasper led them all over to the bar and bought them tequila shots before leading them back to the table. Bella perched herself on Edward's knee once more before kissing his cheek and taking a swallow of his beer to chase away the taste of tequila. Edward smirked at her and kissed her temple before turning back to his conversation with Peter about the quality of new Greenday vs. old Greenday. Both agreed "Longview" was genius, but other than that they were of different schools of opinion. **_

_**Emmett had pulled both Alice and Rose onto his knees, claiming that Jasper had stole his lady on the dance floor. Alice looked hilarious on his lap, looking like a tiny five year old perched on the giant tattooed man's lap. Rosalie rolled her eyes at him before face pushing him and climbing over him and Jas to perch herself on Bella's knee. Jasper leaned over and gave Bella a fist bump for committing a robbery on Emmett.**_

_**After another round Alice pointed at Bella and squealed that this was her song. Bella cocked her head and listened before turning bright red and sneaking a look at Edward to see if he heard Alice. He heard the song and snorted before shaking his head and mock glaring at Alice. **_

_**I make them good girls go bad I make them good girls go Good girls go bad (Good girls go bad) I know your type (Your type) You're daddy's little girl Just take a bite (One bite) Let me shake up your world 'Cause just one night couldn't be so wrong I'm gonna make you lose control She was so shy Till I drove her wild **_

**Bella hid her flaming face in Rose's back as everyone had a laugh at their expense. Rosalie giggled and turned smooshing Bella's cheeks together while murmuring how cute she was. **

**Bella's eyes shot to Edward and frowned instantly when she saw who was standing over his shoulder. He squinted at her confusion before looking over his shoulder. Bella realized that Rose was still squishing her face in front of non other than the woman from the coffee shop. **

**Bella looked to Alice who's eyes were darting between all the unfolding tension. Bella swung her gaze back to Edward after gently pushing Rose's hands away just as he stood from the table. **

"**What are you doing here?" she heard him growl lowly. The woman was dressed to the nines again in dark skinny jeans and a flowy black off the shoulder top. Her wrist tinkled with gold bangles as she lifted her hand to her lips demurely.**

"**I told you this wasn't over Edward," she said with a polite smile at him and then to the table. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends Edward?"**

**Bella heard Edward growl 'no' while glaring at the woman. If looks could kill. Bella was sitting in dumbfounded confusion. **

**The woman chuckled lightly and placed a gentle hand on Edward's forearm, acting for the world like he was just being silly. "Well, I'm Katie Cullen. It's a pleasure." **

**The entire table fell silent as everyone had stopped their conversations to observe the drama unfold. Bella's face was a mask of confusion. Her gaze swung from Edward to the woman and back again. Edward was just pinching the bridge of his nose and glaring at the floor. **

**Alice stood up from Emmett's lap and held out her hand, "I'm Alice, I didn't know Edward had a sister."**

**Katie laughed heartily and shook her head, "Oh god no sweetie. I'm his wife."**

**Edward audible groaned, "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he mumbled before turning on his heel and dragging Katie away by her arm. **

**The entire tables gazes were riveted on Bella as she sat there staring after them in stunned disbelief. **

**AN: Holy drama! Did you see it coming? Please don't throw things at me! I love you all dearly, please send me reviews! Xoxoxoxo-Jenna**


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I honestly adore each and every one of my readers! You guys are amazing, and send me amazing reviews! I apologize for the last chapter being underlined. I'm admittedly computer illiterate! It seems whenever I italicize something it underlines the whole chapter. Anyone know how to fix that? I hope I replied to all your reviews, I certainly tried! The chapter is also on time for once- can you believe it?

"Well, that was unexpected," Bella said with a soft laugh. Everyone glanced around the table uncomfortably, "Really guys, it's fine. No worries."

Alice and Rose exchanged a look before grabbing Bella and heading to the bathroom.

"Are you okay babe? You don't have to pretend with us. That was all kinds of fucked up!" Rose exclaimed while placing a hand on Bella's shoulder.

Bella looked around the bathroom and noticed they were alone before finally lowering herself to the fainting sofa that was placed against the wall, "It was rather unexpected…" She trailed off and let a single tear escape.

"I'm gonna kill that mother fucker!" Rosalie exclaimed before lowering herself beside Bella.

Alice crouched in front of Bella and placed her hands on Bella's knees to steady herself, "You'll stay with me and Jazz. You never have to see him again if you don't want to. I promise, this will all be fine." Alice began rubbing soothing circles on Bella's thighs.

Bella took a deep breath and only allowed herself one more tear before raising her eyes to Alice and Rosalie, "It's time to put my big girl pants on girls. Never seeing him again would let him off the hook. And you can bet for goddamned sure I'm getting some fucking answers."

Rosalie squeezed her tight, "There's my girl, I hope you string the fucker up by his balls. If you want I'll have Em hold his ass down while you beat the living hell out of him!"

Bella began to giggle, and Alice soon followed after a valiant attempt to remain serious. The girls enjoyed their giggle fit for a few more minutes before Alice spruced Bella up. She took a deep breath, squeezed each of her girls hands, and exited the bathroom with a smile and her head held high.

Upon returning to the table, Bella noticed that the only ones left were Emmett and Jasper, the other clearly making a hasty get away to avoid the awkwardness.

"Well, nothing screams 'I need a shot' more than a secret wife coming out of the woodwork," Emmett claimed in his booming voice before waving a waitress over. Alice's jaw dropped at his audacity, and Rosalie slapped him in the back of the head. Jasper's eyes immediately shot to Bella, who was shocked into silence before she broke into hysterical laughter. She reached over and high-fived Emmett, while Alice sputtered in disapproval.

After taking a shot of tequila everyone decided to settle up and head out. Bella agreed to stay with Alice and Jasper for the night, as she really wasn't ready for the 'heart to heart from hell'.

Once in the parking lot her eyes were immediately drawn to where Edward had parked his car. It was still there, but he was nowhere to be found. Bella's throat constricted with concealed emotion when she realized he had more than likely left with his wife. Even in her head the word wife was enough to make her stomach turn. She was making a valiant effort to remain publicly unaffected, but really, how much more could she take?

Alice noticed that Bella had stopped suddenly and reached back and laced her fingers through Bella's, gently tugging her along with a sympathetic smile. Jasper had hailed a cab and was holding the door open for her and Alice. Bella slid in first, letting Alice sit in the middle. Once they were settled, Alice pulled Bella's head to her shoulder and began running her fingers through her hair.

Bella looked down and saw that Alice's other hand was linked with Jazz's and tears sprung to her eyes. She swallowed down the hurt and averted her eyes. Jazz quickly paid the driver over Bella's protests and escorted the girls inside the apartment with a hand on each of their backs.

Once inside Alice ushered Bella to the bathroom, where she began drawing a bath with all sorts of girlie bubbles and bath salts, "This always makes me feel better," was Alice's explanation. She left Bella to get undressed, and returned moments later after Bella had sunk into the bubbles.

Alice hopped up onto the vanity counter and began swinging her legs. After a few minutes of silence Alice shifted uncomfortably, "so um, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask this, but, what are you going to do?"

Bella's breath hitched and she hugged her arms around her knees and turned her head towards Alice, "I don't know Ali," her voice quavered slightly, "I mean, what can I do? We don't even know if it's true."

Alice bit her lip and looked down before glancing back up, "Look B, I don't want to be a bitch, but if it wasn't true, I don't think he would've followed her out without at least denying it first…" Alice trailed off guiltily.

Bella nodded against her raised knees, "I know Ali, and I know I look like an idiot," Alice tried to cut her off but Bella continued, "no, it's okay, I do. Who doesn't know that their live-in boyfriend is married?"

Alice hopped off the counter and sank to the floor next to the tub, "this isn't your fault B. Don't make this your fault. That prick should have had the decency to tell you. And then he just fucking left with her! I could kill his ass."

Bella bit her lip and felt the tears she had been holding off start to course down her cheeks. "Shit, shit, shit, I'm sorry B! I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry honey," Alice reached over and wiped the tears from Bella's face.

Bella bit her lip and hardened herself to the pain once more, "No Ali, this is good. This is what I need. If I don't get mad, I'll never get over this. I'm not going to let him hurt me like this, not after all the shit he's already put me through."

Alice gave her knee a reassuring squeeze and rose to hand Bella a towel, "just come in my and Jazz's room when you're ready, I'll have some clothes for you."

A few minutes later Bella entered the room and saw that Alice had laid out one of Jazz's over sized shirts and a pair of shorts. Bella giggled and changed into them. After she changed she took a deep breath and went into the living room.

Alice and Jasper both looked up and giggled when the saw Bella in Jazz's 'Everything's bigger in Texas' t-shirt. Bella was swimming in the shirt and it really was quite comical.

Bella played with the hem of the shirt before looking up, "if you just give me a pillow and blanket, I'll let you guys get some sleep," she said quietly while gesturing to the couch.

Alice clapped her hands excitedly, "No way B! We're having a slumber party in my room! No boys allowed!" She said while playfully glaring at Jasper.

Jasper shook his head with a laugh before looking at Bella, "trust me sweetheart, after tonight, I want no where near that bedroom! You girls go ahead, and let the man-hating commence."

Bella bit her lip before bounding over to Jasper and giving him a tight hug, "thanks J, you really are the best." Jasper's cheeks flushed comically and Alice and Bella headed to the room with giggles.

The girls spent the next hour giggling about old times and braiding each other's hair. Finally Alice fell into a deep sleep and Bella spent the rest of the night tossing and turning.

The next morning Alice and Jasper dropped Bella off at her and Edward's apartment with the promise that they would wait while she grabbed some clothes.

With a deep sigh Bella prepared to unlock the door before realizing it was already unlocked. With a frown she slowly pushed the door open and peeked inside. Her eyes were immediately drawn to Edward, who was sitting on the couch in the same clothes he was wearing the night before. Bella entered fully and lightly closed the door behind her.

"Where were you?" Edward asked in a gravely voice, not even looking at her.

Bella snorted, "Where's your wife?"

That caught Edward's attention and he swung his deep green eyes her way. His gaze was heated and Bella dropped her eyes to the floor and began wringing her hands.

"I don't know where the fuck Katie is, and I honestly don't give a damn."

"But she is your wife…" Bella trailed off, still not able to look at Edward.

He made a frustrated sound before rising to pace while tugging at his hair in frustration, "Ugh I should have fucking known this shit would haunt me."

Bella scoffed incredulously, "you're kidding right? You're fucking married, Edward!"

Edward advanced on her rapidly, "it's not, shit, it isn't what you're thinking. Just, Christ, just fucking hear me out before you get a bitchy attitude."

Bella glared at him heatedly and pushed him away from her, "No. You don't get to talk to me like that anymore. Fuck you Edward." She stormed to the bedroom where she began throwing clothes on the bed.

Edward stormed after her and began trying to stuff her clothes back in the drawers, "Just fucking stop Bella. Just listen to me. Please."

The 'please' got her and she dropped her hands, which were clutching a handful of shirts and under garments. She nodded almost imperceptibly and dropped the clothes to the bed.

Edward sat on top of her pile of clothes and ran his hands through his hair frustrated, "I was seventeen. I was a stupid fucking kid who just wanted to get his dick wet and I knocked Kate up, and like a fucking moron, I married her."

Bella's heart dropped, "you have a kid?" It was then that the tears finally began to fall. She turned to flee the room, but was stopped when Edward grabbed her around the waist, "no, you don't get to leave until this is finished. Just sit the fuck down and hear me out."

AN: *ducks and covers* Holy cliff hanger! Do you hate me? Please send reviews lovelies! Love you all dearly! Xoxo- Jenna


	10. Chapter 10

AN: You guys amaze me! We hit 100 reviews! I know a lot of stories get like 15,000, but 100 is huge to me! So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I adore each and every one of you, without you I wouldn't stick with it. Because you guys rock so hard, this is coming to you early! I hope I replied to all of your reviews, I definitely tried!

~If you want to listen to what I was listening to when I wrote this it's "We Would've Broken Up If You Heard This Song" -Ally Cupcake Burnett. 3 3

Bella stilled her forward movement and over her shoulder she spat, "Do NOT touch me."

Edward immediately released her and raised his hands in surrender, "Alright, Jesus, alright. I won't fucking touch you. But you have to listen to me."

Bella nodded minutely and headed to the living room, needing to be away from the room where they had spent so many nights loving each other.

She sank onto the couch and looked at her hands that were folded in her lap. Edward made a move to sit next to her and she just shook her head without looking at him. With a frustrated grunt, Edward paced away from the couch.

"So, you were just telling me about how you're a daddy." Bella snarked at him.

Edward turned to send her a glare, "I don't have a kid, Bella. But thanks so much for your understanding," he replied sarcastically.

Bella looked at him with a confused frown, "but you said…"

Edward cut her off, "yeah, she was pregnant, so I married her. But she lost the baby before we had even been married a month. The doctor said it happens sometimes in the first couple months or something. I don't know, all I know is that we didn't have the baby."

Bella dropped her gaze, "I'm sorry…that you lost the baby. I am. That's really terrible. But it doesn't change that you are somehow still married. You did this when you were seventeen? You've been married for a hell of a long time if you only married her because of the baby," Bella trailed off, looking anywhere but at Edward.

"Yeah, it fucking ripped me apart when she lost the baby, but it was a long fucking time ago. And even though, I guess, yeah, technically we are still married, we haven't been 'together' since like six months after we lost it." Edward said as he paced towards Bella.

He stopped abruptly when she turned her eyes up to him, the fire in them halted him before reaching her. "We've been together for almost a year Edward, and you've never once mentioned an ex girlfriend, let alone a wife. You've had plenty of time to tell me."

Edward clutched at his hair, "it honestly just didn't seem that fucking important. Clearly, I was wrong."

Bella surged off the couch and got in Edward's face, pushing him by his chest, "not important? You have to be. fucking. kidding. me. You humiliated me tonight."

Edward placed his hands over hers and stood his ground, "I tried to get her away so you WOULDN'T be humiliated. I tried to do the right thing, and you're punishing me for it."

"You left me there. With YOUR friends, while you walked away with a woman who just dropped a bomb on me about being your wife. Tell me how that was the right thing, Edward, tell me."

Edward turned away and strode to the couch, he kicked the leg twice before turning back to her, "Kate wants a divorce, and it will probably be ugly. I was young and stupid and didn't get a pre-nuptial agreement, and now she can take half of everything."

Bella looked at him in confusion, "but you work in a tattoo shop."

Edward groaned and leaned his head against the wall, "my parents are really wealthy, I have a trust fund and shit, it isn't important."

Bella stared at him incredulously, "have you ever been truthful about anything with me?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't lie about shit to you, I just didn't tell you."

"It's the same thing, Edward."

"I don't fucking get you, none of this shit is important anymore."

"No, Edward, you never did get me I guess. This 'shit' is hugely important. You're married. Nothing you can say changes that," with that said Bella walked to their bedroom and began hastily stuffing the clothes she had left on the bed into a bag.

She got as much as she could, as fast as she could, figuring she could have Jasper come later. She went back to the living room, expecting to just walk out the door, and out on the alternate universe she suddenly found herself in.

Edward was sitting on the couch with his head bowed and in his hands. When he heard her he looked up, and locked gazes with her, "don't go."

Normally coming from Edward that wouldn't have been a request, but the broken tone it was uttered in was enough to make her halt in her tracks.

Bella bit her lip against the tears and took a steadying breath. "You did this Edward. Not me. I can't stay here. I don't even know who you are anymore."

Edward's eyes hardened, "I'm the same guy I always was, Bella. You knew getting into this I wasn't a good guy. If you leave, you can't just come back. You can't decide it was a mistake tomorrow."

Bella closed her eyes and nodded, "I know." She dropped her bag and walked towards him. Edward stood up thinking she had changed her mind. She placed a hand on his stubbly cheek and pulled his face to hers, giving him a sweet lingering kiss.

"I really do love you, Edward. But I hate you for ruining us."

Edward dropped back to the couch as if he'd been struck. Bella looked over her shoulder one last time before grabbing her bag and walking out the door.

She practically ran to Jasper's car, where she hurriedly got in the back seat, "Drive, please, just drive." Bella pleaded with tears coursing down her face.

Alice looked at her in alarm and squeezed her way through the console to get in the back with Bella. Alice held her the whole ride, rocking her gently. Once back at Alice's apartment, Bella was promptly given a Xanax and put to bed. She was inconsolable, and Alice was beyond livid at Edward. Once Bella had fallen into a fitful sleep, Alice marched into the living room and began ranting at Jasper.

"How could he do this to her? He's your fucking friend. Why did he do this?"

Jasper enfolded Alice in his arms and shushed her, "Baby, I don't know why Edward did this, or any of the stupid stuff he does. She's going to be fine."

Alice looked up at his towering form with a withering glare, "she's not fine Jasper. You saw her. He broke her. And I will kill him for it."

Jasper chuckled, taking in her tiny form, "I believe you babe. But she isn't broken, she's stronger than anyone gives her credit for. She walked away."

Alice looked up at the man she loved, thinking once more how lucky she was. She heaved a sigh much too large for her tiny frame, "you're right, as usual. But I'm still gonna put a hurt on him if I ever see his ass again."

Jasper chuckled and leaned down to place a kiss on her nose, "good, I wouldn't expect anything less."

The next few weeks were dark ones in Bella's life. She had taken up residence at Alice and Jasper's permanently until she could move into the dorms the next week. Everything had gone swimmingly in one regard to her life, and that was that she was fast tracked through the enrollment process at the University. Her grades in high school had been stellar, and because she had only deferred and not turned down the acceptance in the first place, she was able to move along quickly.

While she was looking forward to finally getting going with school, she couldn't help feel nervous at the loss of Alice's constant comfort. It had been like when they were in middle school and Bella's mother had first left the family, and Alice took up residence at the Swan household.

Bella dreaded the cold, black, loneliness that she fought against everyday sweeping in once she left Alice's. She had been keeping it mostly at bay, but she could feel it at the edges of her consciousness. She tried to only allow the tears when she was alone in the shower, but somehow Alice always caught her moments of weakness. The nights were the worst, Bella would wake with a start, drenched in sweat.

The loss of Edward felt alarmingly like a death. She mourned him as she would the loss of a loved one, and in a way, she guessed it was exactly the same. She knew if she had any hope of moving on, she needed to completely distance herself. Though consciously she knew this, she still found herself reaching for the phone multiple times a day. She always stopped herself, but the urge was still there.

Life without Edward was something Bella struggled with, not just the loss, but the constant freedom was overwhelming at times. The first week was the worst, when she found herself asking Alice for permission to do anything in the apartment, be it shower, or use the kitchen. She was so used to orienting herself around Edward, that without him she felt lost.

The second week was better, and though she stopped seeking constant approval, she found herself constantly looking over her shoulder. It was the first time she had left Alice's, and she had run into Jake while getting coffee. Her eyes darted around the whole time, on constant lookout for a jealous tirade. She knew how she must have looked, but she couldn't force herself to stop.

When it became apparent to her what she was doing, she felt the familiar tears begin in the back of her throat. She left before she could lose it in front of Jake, but not before exchanging information with the promise to call.

When she returned to the apartment, Alice was beyond thrilled that Bella had seen Jake. Bella tried to explain that she and Jake were friends, and she had no desire to pursue anything that even closely resembled a romantic relationship. Alice brushed her aside, insisting that it had been obvious in high school that Jake wanted her in the worst way. Bella just rolled her eyes and then proceeded to let Alice play 'Bella Barbie' to divert the attention.

Jasper returned to the apartment later that night with two large boxes that had her name written on them in Edward's messy scrawl. Her eyes immediately filled with tears. Before Alice could even begin to fuss over her, Bella cleared her throat and squeezed her eyes shut. When Bella opened her eyes again, she had plastered a bright smile on her face.

"Thanks for getting that stuff for me Jazz. I'll need it for the dorms, and I hadn't even thought to ask you to do it."

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck, and looked sheepishly at her, "well, Edward, you know, he called me to pick it up. I figured it would save you the hassle."

Bella felt her heart constrict once more. Idly she wondered how many times it could do that before finally giving out. She knew it was already broken, but she wondered when it would finally just cease working. Bella smiled at Jasper softly and thanked him quietly once more before retreating from the room.

Alice slapped Jazz on the chest and glared at him. Jasper raised his hands in the classic male, 'what was I supposed to do?' gesture. Alice just shook her head at him in exasperation before following after Bella.

She knocked softly on the door, and was met with quiet sniffles. Alice slipped into the bathroom and slid down the opposite wall next to Bella, "you okay girlie?"

Bella nodded and wiped at the tears, "I know I'm being stupid, Ali. I knew it was over when I walked out. I guess it just hurts that he could just pack up my shit and give it to Jasper. I guess I was easily forgotten."

"Oh B, he didn't forget you baby. His pansy ass was probably reduced to tears every time he saw one of your hideous old Beatles shirts."

Bella let out a very unladylike guffaw and slapped Alice's arm, "I fucking love you Ali."

"Good, cuz I kinda fucking love you too," Alice said with a smirk, "and don't think I'm going to forget you ruined all my hard work, bitch." Alice said while pointing to the horrendous black mascara smears covering Bella's face. Bella snorted once again before turning to Alice to let her gently rub away the darkness.

AN: Because I love each an every one of you so dearly, and because you fucking rocked it out with reviews- this chapter is out super early! Stick with me kiddos, we have a few chapters left still ahead! Leave me some love!


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Had a request for the last chapter from Edward's point of view. I thought it sounded like a good idea, so this chapter will pick up from Bella leaving Edward and focus on his thought process when she leaves. I usually don't write from the character's point of view, but I will be this chapter. I hope you enjoy it! As always, I adore each and every one of you! Xoxo- Jenna

I just sat there, on my couch with my head in my hands, staring at the floor like a fucking pussy. She finally left my ass. I don't know how long it had been since she had walked out, it could've been minutes or hours. Finally, having enough, I scrubbed my hands over my face and surged off the couch. I walked to the kitchen and poured myself four fingers of whiskey, neat.

I welcomed the burn in my throat, craved it. That burn was the only one I wanted to feel. Somehow I knew though, that warmth in my throat would be the least of my concerns. Finishing that glass, I promptly refilled if before shooting a text to Laurent, letting him now that he should be ready with booze, drugs, and women.

I took my whiskey into the shower with me and stepped under the scalding water, clenching the glass in my fist and leaning my head against my braced forearm. She really left. My eyes were already focused downward, but they slid to the right and focused on her silly, girly, strawberry shampoo. I clenched my eyes shut and drained my glass before setting it on the shelf next to the shampoo. I picked it up and glared at it before tossing it out of the shower, following it with her razor, body wash, and the stupid poufy thing she washed her body with.

When it was just him, surrounded by steam and the scent of manly, irish spring, did he finally allow himself to breath. He washed his body and then left the comfort of the steam. He hadn't thought it through, clearly, when he stepped out and was assaulted with the image of her stuff flung all over the bathroom.

With a snarl he grabbed his towel and went to his room, their room. There were a few of her clothing items still on the bed, which she didn't grab in her haste to get the hell away from him. He brushed them off the side of the bed and sat down, rubbing roughly at his hair to dry it. He dressed quickly in faded jeans and a plain white t-shirt, not caring enough to put any effort in.

On his way out the door he shoved his keys and wallet in his pocket, and left without looking back, looking for her. He got into his Volvo and sped towards Laurent's club. The french fuck was annoying as hell, but he always hooked Edward up in VIP with bottles of booze, mounds of coke, and loose, beautiful women. He hadn't had a need in the past nine months or so, but he wasn't surprised how easily it was all coming back to him. He always had been a prick like that.

He parked his car in the employee section and headed into the dark, smoke filled club. He was immediately greeted by a suit clad Laurent, ushering him with a hand on his elbow to the VIP booth. Edward discreetly moved from his touch, the fruity fuck.

He let himself sink into one of the plush black couches and immediately had a girl on either side. One began pouring him a vodka on the rocks and the other curled into his side, running her hand up his chest. He tuned out her inane chatter about how sexy his tattoos were and ran a hand down to her ass. He took the drink from the other and put his arm around each and leaned his head back and just felt.

Hours, and countless drinks later, his eyes were still closed as he felt the leggy blondes hand on his cock. He opened them and glanced at her through his half opened eyes, she bit her lip and smiled coyly. The lip bite reminded him too much of things he'd give anything to forget, so he let her keep her hand where it was and turned his attention to the brunette. She was bent over the glass table in front of them, inhaling lines. The vodka made everything fuzzy and intense and momentarily he thought her brunette curls belonged to someone else, someone he'd never allow to taint her body that way.

As he leaned forward to yank her back, she turned and grinned over her shoulder, reminding him of who she wasn't. She crawled back up his body and began sucking at his neck, while he felt the blond undoing his zipper. He kept his head back and let the numbness take over.

He spent the next three days in a haze of chemical induced numbness. On the fourth he kicked the people that had taken residence up in his living room out. He got his cell phone and dialed an unfamiliar number.

"Kate? We need to meet up," he said without pleasantries. She quickly agreed, especially after he told her to bring the papers.

What had taken almost six years to work up to, was ended in five minutes. It was simple really. There was someone else for her, someone she would marry, so she wasn't seeking alimony. She wanted a small settlement and for the divorce to be fast tracked. He agreed to everything. And after signing their names more times in five minutes than he had all year, it was over.

When she started to question why he hadn't tried to divorce her sooner, he shook his head and stood to leave. She softly grasped his forearm and apologized. For what, he wasn't sure, and he didn't ask.

They would have to wait for the paperwork to go through, but it was really just the final formality. The thing that had ruined his life with Bella was ended in a few brief moments.

He went back to the apartment and began to clean like a man possessed. He emptied and disposed of all the beer bottles that were laying around. He even emptied the full bottles that were in his cabinets. He scrubbed every surface in the kitchen and living room, his stomach turning briefly when he wiped away the powdery residue on his coffee table.

He entered their bedroom and paused at the doorway, staring and remembering. He remembered the first night he had brought her back here, after the show, and before he knew how young she really was. She had been so shy and cute, and everything he never thought he wanted. When he had pulled her to him by her belt loops she had flushed across her cheeks and chest. He had laughed at her, as she had had her tongue in his mouth in the club and the car ride home.

She hadn't been a virgin, but she hadn't exactly known what she was doing either. Her soft and tentative touches made him harder than any of the fast women he was used to. And when she pulled him to her, to kiss her when he entered her, he knew once would never be enough.

He shook his head and moved from the doorway, stooping to pick up her discarded clothing from the floor. He folded it precisely and put them back into her drawer, which was depressingly empty. He organized the things that were hers and theirs and stripped the bed.

He went to the bathroom and returned all of her items to their place in the shower, making sure the labels faced the right way. He arranged their pink and blue toothbrushes so they were touching. He noticed the box of tampons under the sink was near empty and made a note to pick up a box when he was at the store.

He spent the next week dealing with paperwork from the divorce and also from the partnership he was forging with Emmett at the shop. It had been almost two weeks since she had left when Jasper showed up at the apartment with a six pack. He was surprised to see him, figuring he was Team Bella, Edward hadn't called him since she split.

"Hey dude, been a while." Edward said while letting him pass into the living room.

Jasper was taking in his surroundings and how spotless everything was. It smelled strangely like pine sol. With everything that was going on, it had been an unspoken agreement that the band would take a couple weeks off from practice. Most of the band mates had been there the night shit when down with Kate.

Jasper cleared his throat uncomfortably, "uh yeah, I've been really busy with work and shit, you know how it is," he said before locking his eyes on Edward, "so…how are things?"

Edward let out a forced laugh, "you know dude, shit got real, real fast. Finally got my ass in gear though, divorce is final next month. And I finally bought into the shop with Em."

Jasper nodded thoughtfully, "Glad you got your shit together man. Did you hire a maid or some shit?"

Edward scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably, "naw, just, you know…I don't want Bella to think I've been partying and actin' a mess while she's been gone."

Jasper's eyes shot to Edward's, "she is…gone, Edward. I don't think she's coming back man…" he trailed off uncomfortably.

Edward snorted, "so she's just gonna live with you and Alice forever? She just needs some time. I'm doing the right thing, what she wanted."

Jasper squinted into his beer before beginning in a quiet voice, "she's moving into the dorms next week man. She's not coming back."

Edward set his untouched beer on the coffee table before leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, "I see."

Jasper groaned before turning to Edward, "dude, I don't want to be a dick, but you waited too long. You can't just make a few changes and think she's gonna come back and pretend all that shit didn't happen."

Edward was silent for a while before nodding to himself, "no, I know. You're right Jazz. Listen, I've got some stuff to take care of, but call the guys and we'll have practice on Friday okay?"

Jasper just nodded and clapped Edward on the back before heading out.

It was early Friday morning when Edward called him to pick up the boxes. No words were said during the exchange, and when Jasper saw him at band practice that night it was as though nothing had changed. Edward walked in wearing his usual band t-shirt and jeans and quickly pulled out a joint before getting everyone to their instruments.

Jasper shook his head, reminded of the look that crossed Bella's face right before she thanked him for getting her stuff. Edward really was the stupidest mother fucker he knew.

AN: I know I promised you in my review replies that this would be out this weekend. However, I've been so happy lately that it was super hard to write such an angst ridden chapter! I love you all dearly and can't wait to hear what you thought of this chapter! Xoxo-Jenna


	12. Chapter 12

owns the Twilight Saga and the original characterizations.

AN: I'm an asshole and didn't get a chance to reply to reviews this week. I promise I will next week! xoxo

Three weeks later found Bella at an off- campus coffee shop with Jake. Bella had been busy moving into the dorms and getting used to her classes, and this was the first they had been able to get together. Jake was at the University too, but he was ahead of her because he hadn't deferred.

"So how is life treating you these days Bells," Jake questioned as he sat a black coffee in front of her and slid the fixings her way. Bella smiled down into the coffee and then back up at Jake.

"It's so much different than I thought it would be. I thought I'd feel lost and a mess the whole time, but everyone's been really nice." Bella began adding sugar and cream and noticed Jake fixed his the same way once she was done.

They continued to talk about school, with Jake giving her advice on the best study places, and the coolest hang outs.

After a bunch of idle chit chat, Jake heaved a sigh and diverted his eyes from Bella, "so, my dad hung out with Charlie last weekend. He mentioned that we were hanging out," at Bella's grimace, Jake hurried to continue, "I know, I know, but Charlie told my dad that he misses you. And I couldn't just not tell you B."

Bella stared into her coffee and nodded slightly, "Yeah, I know Jake. Thanks, I'm just not ready yet. I'll call him when things settle down a bit. I promise. Hopefully that's enough to get Billy off your back," she said with a teasing nudge against his hand.

Jake smiled hugely at her and flipped his hand over to lace his fingers with hers. Bella jerked her hand back immediately, and Jake looked at her in concern. "I'm sorry, Jake, I'm sorry. I just can't…" Bella trailed off as she stood to gather her coat and make her escape.

Jake jumped up and gently nudged her back into her seat, "don't run away Bells, we're friends right," Jake questioned, and at Bella's slight nod, continued, "well friends can hold hands. I promise, just friends."

Bella sighed and stayed seated, but kept her hands firmly in her lap. Conversation was slightly awkward after that, though Jake did make a valiant effort. Eventually Bella had to leave for class and they parted ways with a brief, slightly uncomfortable hug and the promise to meet again soon.

Bella liked Jake a lot, but she couldn't think of him that way, probably couldn't think of anyone that way for a long time. She hated herself and hated him for making her this way. She couldn't even share a friendly cup of coffee anymore without a sense of dread.

She wouldn't place all the blame on Edward for her current state of mind. She wasn't selfish enough to go there. She knew she didn't have to stay as long as she did. She chose to remain even when she questioned the sanity of their relationship. She knew it was as much her fault as it was his. She let him treat her the way he did, she could've walked out whenever.

But her heart knew that it was never about the way he treated her. The sick masochistic part of her liked his jealousy. What she couldn't handle was his marriage. No, that was a lie. She couldn't handle that she hadn't mattered enough to him for him to share it with her.

She wasn't naïve enough to think that Kate and Edward had a functioning marriage, it had clearly been over for years. It was the lack of honesty that killed her. He had withheld so much from her, on so many different levels. She could handle a lot of things from Edward, but what she couldn't handle was not mattering to him.

She knew that he was her whole world, and to be treated so insignificantly crumbled every ounce of self esteem she had built. His complete and utter shock at her anger got to her as well. It was as though he genuinely could not understand that what he had done was wrong.

Bella shook herself from her reverie and continued her path to class. She wasn't lying to Jake when she said she was surprised at how much she enjoyed it. The freedom school and the dorms offered her had been overwhelming at first. But slowly she was coming to relish her time alone.

She had had plenty of alone time when she lived with Edward as well, but that alone time was always punctuated with a sense of fear. Not fear of him, fear of what he may be doing when she wasn't there. She had seen him do coke enough times and seen the way girls flocked to him enough, to have instilled a weariness in her. Her insecurities, stemming from her lack of experience plagued her in the stillness of the empty apartment.

This wasn't to say that when she was alone now she didn't often think of him. There was rarely a time when he wasn't on her mind. It was different now though. She knew and accepted that she had been the one to break the ties, and now had no real claim to him. It didn't stop the ache in her heart, but it did somehow give her a reprieve from the fear.

No matter how much hurt and pain he had caused her over the past year, she was sure that she had caused him at least a few difficult moments as well, and for that she was saddened. She wished there was a way to keep him in her life, to make sure he was taken care of. But if she was honest with herself, she knew she wasn't strong enough to forge the friendship. If it was something he wanted, he would come to her.

The boxes he had had Jasper deliver seemed a clear indicator that he wasn't ready or willing to try and be friends. It seemed a blatant symbol of closure on his part. If that's what he needed to be ok, then Bella would allow him that much.

She waffled back and forth most days, this apparently being a good day, one where she was 'selfless Bella'. There were days though, that she was so angry she had to scream into her pillow. Days like today she would talk herself into being the bigger person in her inner monologues. But she knew that just as easily, tomorrow could find her cursing every groupie that so much as tapped her foot to Edward's music.

She hated the up and down, feeling almost bipolar. Alice tried to talk her through it, explaining that your first love had a crazy intense power over you. If you stayed together it could be a beautiful, scary rollercoaster ride. If you broke up, it had the power to bring you to your knees.

Thinking of the up and down, she made the decision to call Alice for a girl's night this weekend. She needed to get her head on straight and even out.

Saturday was a bad day for Bella. One of the ones where she missed Edward so much that it hurt to breath. She lay on her back staring at the dorm ceiling, listening to Coldplay's "Green Eyes" on repeat. Yup, she had become that girl. She looked to the left and saw the empty Phishfood container on her nightstand. She groaned, thoroughly disgusted with herself. Thank god she was going to Alice's later. She had promised to kick Jasper out for the night, and be fully stocked on red wine and chocolate.

Bella drug herself from bed and looked at the mirror and grimaced at herself. Three days ago she had been fine! One coffee date with Jake and she was a pathetic, smelly mess. She grabbed her shower caddy and headed to the showers. She scrubbed herself until her skin was pink before grabbing her coconut shampoo. She had switched recently, hating to remember how often Edward had groaned into her shoulder that he 'fucking loved strawberries'. She hoped that he fucking hated coconut.

Later that night she was lying on the floor of Alice's living room with her foot up in Alice's lap on the couch, getting her toenails painted Vixen red. She snorted, she didn't feel like a vixen. She wasn't sure, but somehow she didn't think vixen's wore sweatpants in public.

She was listening to Alice detail every moment of yesterdays band rehearsal. Alice had gone with the sole purpose to glare at Edward. She said Jasper had looked like he was getting whiplash from the dirty looks being tossed back and forth between her and Edward.

"And then, when that slut Victoria came in and perched herself right on Edward's amp I started to walk over there and tell her how much the smell of skank was making everyone gag- Edward beat me to it! B, he told her to 'stop fucking calling him'," Alice said as she bounced and clapped her hands.

Bella had shot into a sitting position when the conversation had turned to Victoria. She knew that her and Edward had been party buddies for years. She had even seen them doing blow together a few times. To say Bella wanted to slam the fire-crotch's face through a wall, was an understatement.

"Wow, she doesn't waste any time does she? I knew that bitch was after him," Bella growled out.

Alice bounced some more, "but don't you see B? He basically told her to fuck off! Edward doesn't turn down free pussy," at Bella's grimace, she rushed on, "I mean before you he didn't. Sorry B."

Bella took a deep breath, "no it's fine Allie. I knew what he was like when this started. Is it terrible that I hope it's as hard for him to stomach being with someone else as it is for me?"

"What? No way! If Jazz and I broke up I'd pray to every chick goddess out there for his dick to plain fall off!"

This sent the girls into hysterics and Bella pulled herself onto the couch and crushed Alice in a hug, "you really are my best friend Al. I wouldn't have made it without you this past month."

Alice waved her away and hopped up to open another bottle of wine. "Enough, enough with all the Seventh Heaven sob fest! I have got to tell you about this new thing Jasper did with his tongue this morning…"

Alice squeezed her hand to acknowledge that she felt the same before launching into a raunchy re-telling of things she never, ever wanted to know about Jasper. It was just enough to take the sting away from hearing Edward was once again front and center of the groupie race.

AN: Didn't get as many reviews for the last chapter, did you guys hate it? I hope not! I'm still trying to decide if this story will be a HEA or if it will end in all its angst ridden glory. What do you guys think? Do you think Edward could ever redeem himself? Or is that too unrealistic?

Also, I posted a new one shot in my stories section, "The Other Woman". I'd love to hear what you guys think of it. I've been getting a lot of feedback that people think I should continue it. If I get enough interest I might continue that story once this one is over. Please let me know what you think! As always, I love you all dearly! xoxo


	13. Chapter 13

AN: 1)I thought you ladies were part of my angst crew! You all seem to be rooting for a HEA. I'll see what I can do ;)

2) Sorry it's so late! Life got real this week haha. I hated neglecting you, but I had way too much going on to even think of this story!

Bella spent the next few weeks focusing on her studies. There was so much riding on her doing well. She couldn't stomach the thought of failing at something else, not the way she had in her relationship with Edward.

She found herself spending most of her free time with Jake. Early on he made the effort to drag her from the library or her self imposed prison of a dorm room. He insisted on not letting her wallow. Alice was there for her too, but it wasn't the same.

Jake made the pain go away. So many of her memories of Edward were tied to Alice and Jasper that it was hard not to think of him when she was with them. Not only the memories, but the fact that Jasper and Alice were surrounded by an all encompassing love was stifling for Bella. They had a love that Bella had never experienced with Edward.

Their love was so easy and natural, and had been from the very first moment. Where as Bella and Edward had fought their feelings from the beginning; Alice had been picking out china patterns online. It's not that Bella was jealous; it was more an overwhelming feeling of loss.

She knew she would have to separate herself at least partly from her best friend. It wasn't fair to put Jasper in the position to have to choose between her and Edward. And if he had to choose then Alice would have to as well, and Bella never wanted her best friend to be in a situation to choose between her and Jasper.

Not only did Bella have to distance herself from Alice, but she had cut all ties with Rose as well. Rose had texted her multiple times since the break up, but Bella never responded with more than one word answers and never answered the phone calls. While she did love Rose and Emmett dearly, they were Edward's friends first and she didn't think it was right to interfere with that. Every time she saw Rose's name flash on the screen she was dying to answer it, but just couldn't bring herself to do it.

So, she spent the majority of her time with Jake and his friends. Since the one day in the coffee shop, he had been nothing but strictly platonic. Jake never held hard feelings, and Bella loved that about him. With Edward every action had an equal and opposite reaction. Every move she made would be met with either acceptance or resistance. Jake never asked questions. When she said she needed space, he gave it. She never had to give qualifications.

Most weekends she would hang out with Jake and his friends. The quiet and loneliness in her room being too much to bear. The first weekend she met Embry was two months before summer break. He was also from La Push, but Bella never remembered having met him before. The kinship was instant. He didn't ask questions either and kept his distance, while still making his interest known.

Every time he would retrieve drinks from the bar he would always get Bella tequila without asking. He would simply place it in front of her, not expecting anything in return. At the end of the night he would always make sure she either had a ride back to campus or was walking with Jake. She felt safe.

It was three weeks into knowing him when he asked her out. He phrased it as just hanging out, but the undertones were clear. And for the first time since Edward, she found herself wanting to say yes. And so, she did.

She found herself noticing not only his kindness, which she had always been drawn to, but suddenly, the way his jeans fell against his hips caught her attention. At first, she was so confused that someone other than Edward could make her heart race that she tried to ignore it. Hoping that maybe he really did mean just 'hanging out.'

She met Embry at the restaurant he had suggested and was pleasantly surprised to see him waiting outside for her. His button up shirt stretched nicely across his broad chest, and Bella had to force herself to draw her attention away from his body. Where Edward had been tall and lanky, Embry was taller than him, but also easily had fifty pounds of muscle on him.

While it wasn't the instant attraction it had been the first time she met Edward, the slow burn of realization was exciting in its own right. She was glad that the attraction and feelings, if you could call them that, had built rather than just blind side her totally. While at the time she had thought it was the best feeling in the world, she never wanted to be overwhelmed by love ever again. She wasn't sure she could or would ever love Embry, but the thought that she might was comforting.

He held to door open for her and led her by the small of her back. They talked about her school, and his work at a local auto shop. Past relationships were never brought up. She knew that he knew she had been through a nasty break up, being that he and Jake were best friends. As much as she knew Jake loved her, she also knew that he would warn Embry about what he was getting into. The fact that he hadn't run screaming was definitely to his credit.

When he kissed her on the cheek goodnight she found herself wishing for more. She was shocked and spent the rest of her night alone in her bed with warring emotions. She felt guilty, still feeling somehow like she was cheating. And then she immediately was angry at herself for letting him come into this. He had no control over her anymore. He was her past, he should stay there.

When Embry texted her the next morning saying he had a great time and hoped they could do it again she immediately responded that she would love to. She loved that he didn't play games. He didn't wait the standard guy three days to call her. Even if nothing came from this 'relationship' she was glad that he was teaching her how real men treat women. For the first time in a long time she felt something other than grief or numb, she felt hope.

They dated for another two weeks, seeing each other regularly, if only for coffee between Bella's classes, before hitting any snags. Embry had been so patient and seemed to be taking all his cues from Bella. He kissed her lightly on the lips in greeting whenever they saw each other, and ended each date with a more passionate, toe- curling kiss.

However, as he pulled his car up to her dorm this evening after leaving the movies, he made a move to follow her to her building. Her steps faltered slightly but then she reached into her bag and retrieved her keys. She wanted this, wanted him, she did. She just wished that the first thing that flashed through her mind at the thought of him coming up was what Edward would think.

She didn't want Edward to come into this, to come into what she had with Embry. She wasn't at the point yet where she could think of him fondly, and she didn't want to be angry or sad when being around Embry. She wouldn't be able to explain without hurting him, and she didn't want to ever do that. Above anything else, he was a great friend, and he didn't deserve to be hurt the way she was.

She swallowed back all the crazy, irrational, thoughts and fears that were swirling in her head and led him to her room. She knew she wasn't ready for things to progress to 'the next level,' but she did know that she liked being close to him, and often found herself not wanting their time to end.

She kicked off her shoes and flicked on the TV, knowing that one of the seasons of Lost was in the DVD player. She walked to her bed and scooted all the way over and lay on her side against the wall. She patted the spot next to her and Embry ambled slowly over and lay next to her. He pulled her onto his chest and ran his fingers through her hair as he turned his attention to the television.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut, thinking that she couldn't be anymore grateful for his presence when he kissed her forehead. She loved how sweet he was. Even if she tried, she wouldn't be able to dream up someone more different from Edward. Being wrapped in Embry's arms was so warm and safe. While she acknowledged that her mind was going to Edward, it wasn't the same. She wasn't feeling guilt, she was feeling relief.

AN: I know we didn't have much Edward in this chapter, and that just plain sucks. However, next weeks update I _think_ will involve E & B running into each other. I needed to introduce Embry this week. And to be honest, I sorta love him! Please let me know what you think lovelies!

Oh! Wanted to thank you all so much, last weeks reviews were the best and most informative I've ever received. I loved hearing what you all thought in detail! Xoxoxoxoxoxo-Jenna


	14. Chapter 14

AN: This is super early and wayyy longer than usual- do you love me? I adore you all so much and am ecstatic every time I get an alert for one of your reviews! You're all so kind and insightful! Thank you again J

After the first night with Embry, they took to having sleep-overs most nights that they hung out. Usually, it was twice a week, as Bella was trying to focus on acing her first semester of college. It was always at her dorm room, as Embry lived with three other guys. He never invited her, and she never asked. Assuming he was watching out for her and trying to hide her from the disgustingness that must come from a house full of boys.

Though they did sleep together, they never _slept_ together. A few times Embry had let his hands travel her body, but once they started to wander south Bella stiffened. Though she never outright stopped him, but he seemed to take the hint and always cooled the passion after that. He would just pull her onto his chest or roll her over and spoon her, both of them politely ignoring the raging hard-on he would be sporting.

They had been talking recently of their summer plans, and Bella was starting to feel overwhelmed. She wasn't signed up for summer session at school and would have to vacate the dorms in May. She wasn't really sure where she would go for the summer vacation, and the feeling of unease made her finally start to consider opening the door to reconciliation with Charlie. Embry and Jake were both encouraging her to go visit, saying they would accompany her.

Though she didn't remember ever running into Embry when they were back home, apparently he was familiar with Charlie, who often spent time on the rez. Both he and Jake offered to let her stay with them at their respective parents for the weekend, if the reconciliation didn't end as planned.

Finally, Bella conceded and a trip was planned after an emotional, albeit awkward, telephone conversation with Charlie. She and Jake planned a trip home for the following weekend. Embry offered to go as well, but Bella insisted that he not take off work for her.

She and Jake were making a quick stop at their usual coffee shop before hitting the road. Jake ran inside to get their orders while Bella waited by the car. She was glancing at herself in the reflection from the window, noticing that her hair had started to regain its former shine and her hips were gaining a curve that they hadn't had in months, possibly never had. She decided that happy looked good on her. She smiled at her reflection, congratulating herself on leaving the broken shadow of herself behind.

She glanced toward the door when she heard the door chime and smiled at Jake as he tried to balance their coffees and what appeared to be a bag of pastries. Her smile faltered when she caught a flash of cinnamon hair in her peripheral. She turned her body towards the right, unable to stop herself. She saw him standing frozen a few feet away, his hair a crazy mess and his ray bans covering his eyes.

Bella opened and closed her mouth a few times before starting to move towards him. Once he saw her begin to move he immediately turned his gaze to the pavement and continued walking on as though he hadn't seen her. Bella stared after him, mouth agape. _Did he really just pretend not to see me?_

Jake reached towards her as she began to storm after Edward; however, all the stuff he was bobbling halted his progress. He tried calling after her, but she just waved him off. With a sigh, Jake got in the car and waited, knowing it was only a matter of time that this would happen, and that he needed to let it run its course.

Bella caught up to Edward and yanked his arm from behind. He whirled on her and Bella took in the rigid set of his shoulder and the straight line that was his lips. Suddenly, she was grateful for his sunglasses, knowing she probably wouldn't like what she saw in his eyes.

"What's your problem Edward," she questioned in a raised voice, "you just pretended not to see me? Really, that's what I get after everything."

She saw his jaw tense and saw that he had turned his gaze to just over her shoulder.

"You don't get to pretend I don't exist, Edward. I'm here, and we happened."

She heard him grunt, and thought that was all she would get when his gravelly voice startled her, "I thought this is what you wanted Bella. You can't tell me we're over and then get mad when I acknowledge that we are."

Bella's mouth snapped shut, and she took in his words. Her eyes roamed his face and she took in the beard that she hadn't noticed, nor had she ever seen on him. While the hair on his head was cinnamon only in the sunlight, the hair on his face was a lighter shade of red. She found herself clenching her fists to refrain from scratching her nails lightly over it.

"This isn't what I wanted… I needed a break from _us_; I didn't think that would mean that we would never be friends again, or that you would just forget that I exist."

Edward made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and tugged at his already unruly hair with both hands, "You can't have it both ways Bella. YOU left, and you didn't come back, and you definitely never called. It's not like we were ever really _friends_ anyway. We were a lot of things, but that wasn't one of them."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she nodded slightly, concentrating her gaze at a crack in the side walk, "ya, I guess you're right, Edward. Maybe that was the problem." She looked at him one last time and then turned and started to walk to Jake's car.

Edward expelled a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, staring at the sky. He reached for her elbow, unable to resist, "look, I'm sorry. Don't leave like this. I didn't mean that I didn't want to be friends, it just probably isn't a good idea for us."

Bella looked over her shoulder at him, "You're probably right. God, I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have come after you. I'm sorry."

Edward shook his head at her, "no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ignored you. I'm an asshole," he gave her a self deprecating smirk, which made her laugh; "none of this was your fault Bella."

He looked over her shoulder and saw Jake pacing by the trunk of his car. Edward glared at him slightly before fixing his face in a mask of indifference, "look, your boyfriend's waiting for you, and I don't want to get you in trouble, so I guess…maybe I'll just call you sometime…we can be…friends" he phrased it as a question, and Bella had to fight every natural instinct in her body not to pull him to her.

With her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide, she nodded, "I'd like that" she said with a quick squeeze to his hand. She began the walk back to Jake and at the last minute called over her shoulder, "oh, and he's not my boyfriend."

When she saw the tiny smirk that graced Edward's mouth she mentally kicked herself. Jake might not be her boyfriend, but Embry was, well sort of, and he deserved better, he deserved to be mentioned at a time like this.

She silently got in the car, followed by Jake. She could hear the thoughts running through his head and when she saw him open his mouth she simply said 'don't' and left it at that. She saw from the corner of her eye Jake struggling not to bombard her with questions, but she just turned and stared out the window, silently cutting off any conversation before it began.

They arrived in Forks an hour later and Jake pulled into the Chief's driveway. He offered to wait and make sure everything went okay, but she insisted he travel onto Billy's, assuring him that she would call if she needed him. She walked towards the porch with her bag in her hand, her eyes misting slightly when she saw Charlie standing there waiting for her.

He had the same mustache he had had since before she was born, and his bow legged stance hadn't changed at all. When she reached the porch he cleared his throat, and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder before grabbing her bag and leading her to her childhood bedroom. When she saw that nothing had been changed in the year she had been gone her throat constricted almost painfully.

Charlie gruffly told her that he'd let her get settled in and then they could head to the diner for dinner. Once he left, Bella collapsed onto her bed and stared at the glow in dark stars Charlie had put on her ceiling when she was five. She loved that Charlie didn't ask questions, it was the thing that had drawn her originally to Jake. She recognized now that she had been letting Jake take the place of Charlie in her life, to fill the void of missing him. She hadn't known just how much she missed him until she had seen his mustache twitch at the sight of her.

No apologies were made over dinner from either party, and really, none were needed. Both seemed to know they were in the wrong in some capacity, and to acknowledge it would just be re-opening wounds that were well on their way to being healed.

Charlie told her about how he had begun seeing Sue Clearwater, the widow of one of his best friends, and it was by far the most awkward conversation Bella had ever taken part in. Well, aside from when Charlie had tried to explain sex and her period to her when she was eleven. Thinking of that conversation, she realized just how difficult it must have been for Charlie to raise her in the absence of her flighty mother.

Now removed from her relationship with Edward, she could see just how traumatic that must have been for Charlie. To see your barely eighteen year old daughter running to the arms of a grown man who was covered in tattoos and lived in the city. Bella realized that Charlie probably hadn't expected her to call his bluff and move out. Evidence of this was the seemingly effortless way he welcomed her back into his home. Had he been serious about her never coming back if she left, he probably would have turned her room into a fish and tackle showroom.

That night when she was lying in bed, listening to the snores coming from Charlie's room down the hall, she was at peace. For the first time in a long time, there was a steadiness inside her. It was the first time she felt the calmness on her own. She usually only achieved some sort of relief with Embry or Jake. That she could feel this on her own made a slow smile spread across her features, and let her drift peacefully into sleep.

Upon awakening she saw that her cell phone, which was on her nightstand, was blinking ominously. With a sigh she reached for it. _5 missed calls, 6 text messages, and 0 voicemails. _

One missed call was from Embry, and had come in at 10 the night before. She had been asleep for at least a half an hour by then. She had forgotten how early Charlie turned in for the night, and she had as well, knowing there wasn't much to do. The other four calls were all from Alice which made her scrunch her brow in confusion. She and Allie still talked weekly, but not as much as before, and the four calls in a row was a little over kill it seemed.

She opened the texts next to see if Alice had explained in one of them.

_Hey Babe, checking to see if you're okay __J -Embry_

Bella smiled at the screen and quickly replied that everything was great and much better than expected.

_Girrrrl you have some splaining to dooo- A_

Bella frowned, wondering what Alice could be referring to. She had told her that she was coming to Forks, so it couldn't be about that.

_B- text me and let me know what's up. I didn't get a rescue mission call, so I'm guess all is good in the hood…does Forks have a hood?- Jake_

Bella laughed out loud at Jake's text. No matter what happened in her life, she knew Jake would always make her smile. She replied that everything was definitely great in the hood, and asked him and Billy to come over for dinner later.

_Seriously B-town, answer your GD phone! EMERGENCY, 911, ALERT ALERT- A_

Quickly Bella sent Alice a text asking if everything was fine and inquiring if the emergency was the need for a pregnancy test. If so, Bella refused, as the thought of babies made her gag.

_Good to c u earlier.- E_

Such a simple sentiment, but one that made her heart race. After so many months without contact of any form, seeing his name on the screen sent her a flutter. She honestly hadn't expected to hear from him, and definitely not so soon. Her fingers hovered over the keys, searching for what to write back.

She knew what she wanted to say, but was positive it was not the right thing to say. Evidence of this was the earlier text from Embry. She realized she hadn't said she missed him in her text, and that was because she didn't. She hadn't thought of him since leaving, how could she, when mostly she had just re-run her encounter with Edward over and over again.

_You too, Edward. I hope it happens again soon.- B_

She wanted to make an exact meeting time that would guarantee that they wouldn't go so long without seeing each other again. But she knew she owed Embry more than that. Though she was sure she only wanted to be friends with Edward; knowing that was all she was capable of, she didn't feel right doing that without telling Embry first.

While they hadn't made official declarations, they had been sharing a bed for weeks and she would be hurt if the situation were reversed. She wouldn't lie to him the way she had been lied to. However, thoughts of Embry only made her anger towards Edward flare up. She wouldn't be in the position if he hadn't lied in the first place.

The fact that her mind immediately went to that was evidence enough for her that she definitely wasn't ready for anything other than a tentative friendship. She hadn't achieved full forgiveness. While she had definitely reached the acceptance level, she had miles to go. Her one hope was that somehow, the pain would be worth it. Her heart had been ripped out and left her feeling void. She had been using Embry to fill that void.

Her trip home was becoming more than just mending fences. She hadn't realized how much she needed to separate herself from the situation in Seattle, especially after running into Edward. The clean Forks air was doing wonders at clearing her head and she finally let herself think of things she had long let rest.

She put her journal and her old copy of Jane Austen in her huge purse and grabbed an apple and water from Charlie's fridge. He was outside in the yard raking when she walked out. She explained that she was going to the park for a bit and his mustache twitched into a smile and waved her off.

Walking to her old school playground Bella took comfort in the feeling of home. She saw the curb where she had obtained the scar on her left knee, and received a wave from Mrs. Winters. She sat on the merry-go-round once she arrived and laid back to look at the clouds.

She let her mind go to her life back in Seattle and started making mental check lists of her current situation and what she _wished_ her situation was. All she was sure of was that she wanted to try this friendship with Edward, even if that was all it could be. Mending fences with him would also mend others. She could get back to Alice, and maybe even Rose. She just hoped that she wouldn't lose the friends she had found P.E. _post Edward_.

They had been there when no one else could. Sure, Alice and Rose tried. But Jake and Embry were the only ones to break through her walls. She would be forever grateful to them. But if having Edward in her life meant losing them, she somehow felt like she would take that risk. She didn't know if that made her weak or just plain stupid. But she was finally being honest with herself. And at the moment that was all she could manage.

END NOTE: I'm thinking that next week's update might be an Edward's POV. What do you guys think? Do you want to see what Edward was thinking when B walked towards Jake's car, or would you rather see what Bella does when she returns to Seattle? Bella's chapter will happen either way, but if you chose Edward it will just come a week later. Let me know what you think! Love times a million! Xoxo-Jenna


	15. Chapter 15

**The goddess S. Meyer owns all the original characterizations and plot lines.**

AN: Thanks for all the great reviews this week! You're all amazing, and I love each and every one of you. I'm trying to make the chapters a bit longer than they were, are you guys liking them this length?

Edward scowled at the ornate knocker that graced his parent's door. He hadn't felt comfortable in this house in years, possibly ever. But Esme had called, requesting his presence at family dinner. She asked little of him, and gave so much; there was really never a chance he would deny her.

He fidgeted with the electric blue hair tie that was on his wrist, as had become his recent nervous tick. He had found it when stripping the bed at his apartment. It had given him a few bad moments as he knew immediately that it was Bella's. It was the one thing he hadn't found in his thorough search for her things.

He hadn't wanted her to be without anything she needed at school. He knew that she thought he was being misleading when he said he was glad she was going to school. But he really was happy for her. While he did enjoy having her to himself, he never wanted her to have regrets, of which he had many.

So, he had scoured the apartment for her things. He didn't want her to have to come asking him for them. He was at the point where he acknowledged what a fucking scumbag he had been to her, and he wanted to alleviate any future wrongs he may unwittingly force upon her.

Thus led to him trying not to cry like a bitch and having to physically remove the battery from his phone so he wouldn't call his dealer. His apartment had always felt like his, even with her there, so it shocked him how much the little things she had lying around made it home. Her robe that hung on the back of the bathroom door, the ridiculous chewable cartoon vitamins by the sink, her ratty copy of Wuthering Heights that she would read out loud to him while he tried to cop a feel, and lastly he found her pink case of birth control pills.

He placed those deep in the bottom of the first box, hoping like a mother fucker that she would have no use for them any time in the near future, if ever, if he was being honest. After that discovery he had was a wild man on a mission, throwing his own possessions in a frantic race to find everything of hers.

When he found the elastic days later, it was like a life raft to a drowning man. He had thought that purging her from the apartment would remove her, and it did. He found himself looking for signs of her and finding none. His house no longer felt like home. So he had slipped the band around his wrist and he twirled it almost manically.

And now, standing in front of his child hood home, for the first time since his divorce was final, he stroked the band like it was a kitten. He entered and found his parents in the kitchen. It had been the three of them since he was nine and his parents had been killed. Carlisle and Esme had never been anything but loving parents to him, he knew logically that he had nothing to fear, but that didn't stop his movement at his wrist.

Esme had prepared her grandmother's lasagna, knowing it was Edward's favorite. When Carlisle asked Edward to retire to his study with him the apprehension seeped back into his body. They sat in wing backed chairs across from the fire and sat in silence for what felt like hours to Edward.

"Well son, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for awhile now…" Carlisle trailed off, avoiding eye contact with Edward.

Edward glared at his side profile as Carlisle began to rattle off buzz words like, manic, ups, downs, destructive behavior, impulsive, highs, and lows. None of the sentences were stringing together for him, only the sickening words that made the tone of Carlisle's voice turn his stomach.

Without responding, Edward rose from his chair and headed for the exit. Esme was standing in the kitchen wringing her hands together and Edward felt the betrayal wash over him. She started toward him and he simply raised his hand and walked out the front door.

He watched Carlisle and Esme in his rearview mirror as he pulled out of the driveway. Carlisle had Esme clutched to his chest and she seemed to be weeping. Edward forced himself to harden against the immense shame that washed over him. Not just from the ugly, dirty _diagnosis_ Carlisle tried to force upon him, but also for hurting for the woman who was his mother for all intents and purposes.

Edward drove for hours, going everywhere and nowhere at all. He drove past his high school, the bar where he met Bella, their coffee shop, the courthouse he went to sign the divorce papers, and finally ended up at his parent's graves. He sat in between them on the still cold ground and just glared at the headstones. He never visited the graves. The last time he had been there was as a boy in a too- tight tie. He had dropped the first handful of dirt over each casket and been hugged to a sobbing Esme.

He hadn't shed tears then, and he didn't now. He just sat, clutching his knees to his chest and let all his screw ups run through his mind. He wanted to blame his parents, scream at them that it was their entire fault for leaving him, but he knew it wasn't. If these past few months had taught him anything, it was that his ass had to start manning up to his own mistakes.

The next few weeks had him dodging Carlisle and Esme's persistent phone calls. The only person he did talk to in this time was Jasper. He was aware, after years of friendship that Jasper had been diagnosed with depression as a teenager, and had been on medication to regulate his moods since. To Jazz it wasn't a big deal and he wasn't secretive about it.

Edward had taken to talking to Jazz about Carlisle's diagnosis of mild bi-polar disorder. As yet, Edward was opposed to being on medication; though Jasper tried tirelessly to convince him it wasn't a death sentence and also not something to be ashamed of. Edward was unconvinced that Carlisle wasn't overreacting. Jasper was playing neutral, not saying he thought that Edward was bi-polar, but also trying to convince him to talk further with Carlisle.

Edward refused to talk to his father about what he was sure was a disappointment to the man that had raised him. He spent hours, and many sleepless nights staring at his laptop screen. While he wasn't admitting to anyone, including himself that he was in fact _crazy_, he had stopped completely with the drinking and drugs. Everything he read said that mind altering substances would only increase manic episodes and put bi-polar people further into depressions.

He threw himself into the renovations that he and Emmett were making to the shop. Now that they had entered into a partnership there was more money for expansion and improvements. Having direction and goals was new to Edward, as he had consciously kept his life commitment free since he lost the baby. Or at least he thought he had, until Bella left his ass he hadn't known just how attached he was to her.

He made every effort to keep her from his mind, working himself to exhaustion, but her face still ran through his mind all throughout his days. He had some especially dark moments after Carlisle's bomb, convincing himself that he was disgusting and unworthy, which is why she ultimately left him. A part of him knew that this was exactly what Carlisle and Jazz had been talking about, the self deprecating and defeatist attitude, which was combated with his at times grandiose ego. Once he stopped to acknowledge them, the ups and downs could be dizzying.

And then he saw her. And his world stopped. He had somehow convinced himself that he wouldn't ever see her again. They lived in a big city, it was possible. He knew that he had been deluding himself; they had all the same friends and frequented many of the same places. But still, seeing her standing there in the sun, leaning against some shitty old car, and he was breathless. He felt like the time Jimmy Wheeler had knocked his ass flat out and knocked the wind out of him in the fourth grade.

He stood there, floored, staring compulsively at the red highlights that played through her hair in the sun. Her face was turned to the sky and she had a contented smile on her face, basking in the rare sunny day. He watched her watch herself in the window, and when she turned in his direction, he panicked. He didn't know what he was thinking, she obviously saw him standing there, out in the open, nowhere to hide. His palms began to sweat and his breath sped up, and without thinking it through he turned abruptly and headed in the opposite direction.

When she stopped him he just stared like an idiot. As if an invisible string tied him to her, he just couldn't walk away. Just like before, she would have to be the one to leave. He let her take her frustration out on him, cutting him with her words, as he unconsciously curled his hand into a fist so his fingers could reach the band around his wrist.

Finally, he pointed out that she had left him; he thought he was doing what she wanted. When he saw the flash of pain in her eyes and saw her begin to walk away once again, his hand shot out without his permission. The feeling of her skin beneath his hand was sweet torture. He had missed the silkiness, but seeing the douche bag from the bar waiting for her over her shoulder made his stomach curdle.

Every instinct in him told him to go and tear the mother fucker's hands from his body, just thinking that he had, in all likelihood, placed them on _his_ Bella. Then he remembered that she wasn't his, and never would be again. He made himself remind Bella of her douche bag boyfriend's presence, though the word tasted sour on his tongue. He then found himself, like a fucking idiot, offering to be her friend.

You'd think he offered her a Cadillac free of charge or something, the way her eyes widened. And when she squeezed his hand before walking away his world was right again. Right for about thirty seconds before she called over her shoulder that dickwad was in fact _not_ her boyfriend.

While inwardly Edward fist pumped, he quickly had to mask his elation. Giving himself an internal scolding that though the Neanderthal was not her boyfriend, neither was he, and she had no desire for him to be. She wanted to be friends. And fuck him if he wouldn't braid her hair and paint her toenails at sleepovers, if that's what it took. _Fuuuuck, sleepovers?_ He didn't know what the fuck he was thinking but he had to get his ass under control and stop staring after their car like a fucking idiot.

He rushed back to the shop, ignoring Rose and Emmett and heading back to his station. He first sent a text to Jazz, saying he'd be over later, not asking, telling. His second text was to Carlisle. Though Carlisle was a brilliant doctor, he wasn't very technologically inclined and Edward's phone rang moments later, his father scolding him, reminding him that he didn't even know how to open the text.

Edward swallowed his pride and in a voice that sounded like he was swallowing glass, he informed Carlisle that he would be by the house tomorrow to discuss options. Carlisle, being the genius he was, simply agreed and inclined that he would be there at three.

He arrived at Jazz's later that night, and much to his dismay the pixie on crack was there. There wasn't much he could do as it was her house, but he didn't exactly want to discuss his meeting with Bella, who happened to be her best friend, or the revelations it had forced him to make. He trusted Jazz with his life and he knew that he hadn't and wouldn't tell Alice about his bi-polar, but he also knew that if it involved Bella he'd tell her in a heart beat.

That being the case he launched into their meeting while pacing and tugging at his hair. Alice and Jasper sat on the couch in front of him, following him with their eyes and listening silently, though Alice was radiating with so much energy it appeared she was bouncing.

She had seen and heard through Jasper that Edward acknowledges it was all his fault and he thought he was all sorts of bitch for hurting Bella. Alice heartily agreed even though Jasper rolled his eyes and tried to convince her that Edward was actually a good guy 'just dealing with things beyond his control'. Seeing him consciously stay away from Bella and give her time to move on and endeared him slightly in Alice's favor and she was secretly ecstatic that Bella had extended the friendship branch.

When Edward finally stopped pacing and turned to face them, clutching at his bracelet, asking if they thought he was an idiot, Alice launched herself off the couch and into his startled embrace, screaming that yes, she did think he was an idiot. He stared at Jazz with a look of extreme confusion, to which Jasper just shrugged and shook his head.

When Alice calmed down and left the room without any further explanations, Edward dropped to her spot on the couch and looked at Jazz like he had just been hit by a car. Jasper, in his calm, mellow voice asked Edward how he was feeling. Edward didn't answer that question, instead stating that he had called Carlisle. Jasper got a shit eating grin on his face and wordlessly clapped Edward on the back.

Later that night, lying in his bed, the bed he had shared with Bella, he stared at his phone. He had typed and deleted at least fifteen text messages to her. He finally settled on one that non-commitally told her he was happy he saw her. He didn't sleep at all that night, waiting for her reply, which didn't come till the next morning. When she texted back that she hoped she saw him again, he was struck with panic. He hadn't thought she would actually want to be friends, the insecure part of him thinking that she was just humoring him, or that she would regret the offer of friendship once she was away from him.

He didn't reply, instead lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling with a thousand warring thoughts running through his mind. One thing he was sure of, he couldn't and wouldn't see her until he got things straight with Carlisle. He still wasn't entirely convinced he had what Carlisle seemed to think he did, but on the off chance he did, he knew he was no good to be around Bella. He would talk to Carlisle, and if there was a chance that he knew a way to make him better, then and only then would he agree to meet Bella. Until then, friendly texts would have to do. But even those would wait until he talked to Carlisle.

So, with a renewed mission, a drive for something other than just his business, he drove to his parent's house. He was filled with the same sense of dread but also a foreign feeling, one he hadn't felt since before his parents died, hope.

AN:** Okay darlings, here's the scoop: I need your help! I want to draw more interest to the story, and I think the way to do it is with a better summary. The story is going in a different direction than when I started and I'm not sure the summary is even appropriate anymore. Here's where you come in- I want one of you to write it! Your reviews have meant so much to me and I would love for one of you to be the one to write the summary. So, please submit your thoughts, and if I pick yours you will most definitely get credit, along with my undying love! Xoxo-Jenna**


	16. Chapter 16

**S. Meyer is a goddess and she owns all original characterizations, plots, and dialog. **

**AN**: Soooo sorry for the delay darlings. You know I still love you right? To reward you for your patience- This chapter is effing huge compared to the others, ohhhhh and there's a bit of Edward and Bella! Enjoy!

Bella had been back in town for a week and she hadn't heard from Edward again. She didn't call him either, but her line of reasoning followed that it should definitely be him that put forth the effort this time. His lack of contact made her decision for her in regards to Embry. She saw no reason to rock the boat if Edward wasn't even serious about being friends.

She knew that she and Edward could _only_ be friends anyway, so why should she throw away a good thing with Embry? She didn't see herself with Embry in a forever sort of way, but she honestly didn't see herself with anyone that way right now. She hadn't even felt that way for Edward when they had been together. She always knew there was an expiration date on a love like theirs, if it could even be called that.

The feelings were too extreme. When she pictured a forever sort of love she pictured comfort and effortlessness, like Alice and Jasper. Nothing was ever comfortable or easy with Edward. The degree to which he fought his feelings was difficult enough, let alone his overwhelming possessiveness and his whiplash inducing mood swings.

If her and Edward were to forge a friendship she would have to tell Embry; knowing that he deserved the truth. Even if she didn't plan to _be_ with Edward again, there were too many feelings there to not have full disclosure.

After a week of staring at her phone constantly, and getting her hopes up every time it rang or dinged with a text alert, only to be let down; she had pretty much given up. Chocking it up to nothing more than empty agreements. She tried to not get her hopes up, but she couldn't not, and every day that passed without contact made her smile droop a bit more.

At lunch on Tuesday Alice had been throwing her sly looks every time Bella checked her phone. Bella just rolled her eyes at her, assuming that she was teasing her about her _relationship_ with Embry. That was until Alice dropped the bomb that she already knew all about her and Edward's surprise encounter.

All the texts Alice sent when she was in Forks were in relation to Edward coming over to their house apparently "a nervous wreck" after the meeting. Bella couldn't help the racing of her pulse, but outwardly she tried to quell any reaction, not wanting to give Alice any ammo.

"Since when are you all Team Edward, Al?" Bella questioned with a snort/laugh.

"Since the boy is clearly _obsessed_ with you dude." Alice retorted with a flick to Bella's forehead.

Bella rubbed at the sting and glared at Alice, "Don't you think that maybe he should've been _obsessed_ with me when we were, oh I don't know, still together?"

Alice waved her hand in a matter that clearly stated that that was simply semantics. "B, the boy has been at my house numerous times getting all sorts of love advice from Guru Jazz."

Bella rolled her eyes at Alice, "First of all, quit calling him a 'boy' he's like seven years older than you. Second, since when is Jasper some sort of Love Guru. And third, you're full of shit."

Alice crossed her arms across her chest and looked supremely put out, "Jazz is _clearly_ a love Guru. He landed this fine piece of ass, and bitch you know that ain't easy. And I'm being completely accurate in my estimations; the _man_ wants you in all sorts of bad and nasty ways. Oh, and he might just love you too."

"Did he say that?" Bella leaned across the table in her eagerness.

"Wellll, not exactly, not to me anyway. And Jas isn't spilling the beans, don't worry though, I've cut him off until he does."

"Then how the hell did you come to all your wild conclusions?" Bella asked in frustration, pissed at herself for letting Alice get her worked up.

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist B; dude is a train wreck without you. But a good train wreck, like he's trying to turn his life around, but he's a ship on the sea without his captain."

Bella snorted out her laughter at Alice's insane analogies, "Just drop it Alice. He hasn't texted me since the first night after we saw each other. We said we'd be friends, but so far, even that seems beyond his reach."

After some protest from Alice, Bella convinced her to drop the subject and turned to a friendlier, marginally it may be, topic: shopping.

It was now Saturday and after all those revelations Bella had gotten her hopes up, no matter how hard she had tried not to.

Her text alert vibrated in her bag while she was on her way to meet Alice at the outdoor shopping mall. She pulled it out assuming it was Alice being impatient to get her shop on. She nearly dropped it on the floor of the dirty bus when she saw Edward's name illuminated.

_Hey…do you want a ride to Jasper's tonight? _

Bella stared at the phone, not really knowing how to respond. She hadn't even been sure he'd be going to dinner at Alice's that night. Now she was not only all worked up about forming a response but now she had to worry about a reunion that she hadn't had the proper amount of time to prepare for.

Fucking Alice.

She exited the bus and received a text from Alice telling her to meet her at the Starbucks. When she got there she saw that Alice already had three large shopping bags. She hadn't been kidding when she told Bella that she was making an early start.

Bella fixed her with a glare and marched towards Alice. Alice's face was stuck in the picture of innocence and she held of an iced Caramel Macchiato towards her.

Bella grabbed it from her hand and opened her mouth to bitch Alice out.

"Alright, alright, I know you're pissed, but if I told you, you would have just obsessed all week. Don't bother arguing, you know it's true." Alice cut her off and had a self satisfied smirk on her face.

Bella clamped her mouth shut and just glared. Their stare off lasted two minutes before Bella broke and tugged Alice towards Express. If she was going to be blindsided with an Edward encounter she was going to look fucking fabulous when it happened.

Alice was smart enough not to mention that she knew exactly what Bella was shopping for, and simply continued handing her items over the door of her dressing room. They finally settled on some skinny jeans and a navy blue off the shoulder t-shirt and a chunky gold necklace.

It was unspoken that they would probably end up hitting the bar after dinner, so Bella used that as her excuse for a new outfit.

When they broke for lunch she decided that she had put off texting Edward long enough. After typing and deleting three times she finally hit send.

_I'm already hanging with Alice, but thanks for the offer. I'll see you tonight __J_

Simple and to the point. She agonized before sending, analyzing to make sure he couldn't tell how desperate she had been to hear from him. Though she had initiated the breakup, it still didn't sit right with her that they wouldn't have any contact. If she loved him enough to be with him for a year, there had to be enough love there to sustain a friendship. She was relieved that he apparently felt the same and wasn't bailing on their friendship.

He didn't reply, but she didn't really expect him to. He had never been an overly verbose person. That he had initiated the contact was enough, for now.

Rather than going back to the dorms, Bella just went home with Alice, who had claimed needing help with dinner, though Bella knew she just wanted to play Bella Barbie. However, upon closer thought, she acknowledged it wasn't such a bad idea to offer Alice some help in the kitchen.

They arrived at the apartment at four, only to be greeted by Jasper in an apron stirring something fabulous smelling on the stove. He leaned over and kissed Alice and reached over to ruffle Bella's hair.

"Hi ladies. I see you did some damage." Jasper remarked in his slow drawl and turned to pour them each a glass of wine.

Bella leaned against the door jam and watched the couple work around each other in tandem. She tried to quell it but couldn't quell the pang in her heart at the sight. She was ecstatic for her best friend and her luck. But she couldn't help but yearn for that closeness.

Alice spun around and nudged Bella toward the bedroom with both glasses of wine in hand. Jasper's surprisingly loud laugh followed them down the hallway. Bella was slightly mortified that he might have figured out that all this effort was for Edward's benefit.

She was sitting at Alice's vanity in her new outfit as Alice finished straightening her hair. She had convinced her to only add mascara and a swipe of gloss to her face. When the knock on the door sounded she jumped. He must have texted Jazz to let him through the security door. Against her will, her pulse began to rush and her stomach dropped.

Alice looked at her knowingly and handed her the last of her own glass of wine. Bella hugged her and they both laughed at each other.

They were still laughing when they entered the living room. She was glad that Alice had gotten a new outfit as well and was wearing more makeup than she was so that Bella didn't stand out.

She could feel eyes on her and she lifted her eyes towards Edward. He smiled at her before turning his gaze and smile to the carpet shaking his head slightly. Bella felt her cheeks heat and turned to look anywhere but him. She saw Alice's eyes bouncing between her and Edward rapidly and looked to Jazz for help, but his eyes were trained on Edward.

Helplessly, she tried to discretely nudge Alice, who thankfully snapped out of her trance. Alice linked her fingers with Bella and led her to the kitchen and the much needed bottle of wine. She called over her shoulder and offered Edward a beer but he declined, which made Bella furrow her brow.

_Was he not planning on going out with them that night?_

Whenever they went out on the town there would be a pre-gaming session. She didn't know why the thought of him not accompanying them out upset her, especially since Embry was going to be there with his friends. She hadn't had a talk with him about Edward, as there hadn't been a need. Now that the reunion had been sprung upon her she was regretting not talking to him when she had the chance.

Jasper also declined a beer so Bella thought that there must be some other reason and that he was indeed coming out with them, at least she prayed he was. She wasn't sure dinner would be enough. One minute in the same room with him and every feeling she had pushed away rushed back. Out of sight out of mind had been the rule of thumb for her.

The thought of not seeing him again made her heart hurt. She was still on the friends only track, but even as her friend she knew he would be addicting, her own personal brand of heroin.

They all sat at the table for dinner and Edward was to her right and she had to fight not to subtly brush her thigh against his. It was like some bizarre alternate universe where she would forget the past months, and then suddenly it would hit her and she'd shift slightly towards Alice instead.

Edward offered to drive to the bar after dinner, as he wasn't drinking. Jasper climbed upfront with Edward, thank god, alleviating the awkwardness that was sure to have ensued. As he held to back door open for her she covertly squeezed his hand, to which he tipped an imaginary hat to her, which of course made her giggle like a schoolgirl.

It didn't matter that Jazz was her best friend's true love, or that she looked at him like a brother; dude could make anyone swoon.

They listened to CCR on the way, all singing along. When Brown Eyed Girl came on shuffle the car got uncomfortable quiet before Alice turned to Bella and began serenading her in a horrible off-key voice while clutching her hand.

They were all thinking of the time Edward had sung the song solo to Bella during a break on stage. Thankfully, no one could break an awkward silence like Alice, and by the end of the song they were all laughing at her antics.

When they arrived at the bar it was pretty busy as it was karaoke night and that always drew a crowd. She spotted Embry and Jake at corner table with their friends and waved. He waved back with a huge smile. The best thing about Embry was that he gave her space. They didn't have to be all over each other all the time; he was cool with letting her do her own thing with her friends.

She saw Jake stiffen next to Embry and glare at the space next to her. She looked to her right and saw Edward standing slightly behind her staring at the stage where a bleach blond chick was doing a horrible rendition of some song involving busting out the windows with a Louisville Slugger.

When she turned back to the table she saw Jake whispering to Embry, whose eyes were now intently on Bella's. She just gave a slight shake of her head, trying to silently convey that it wasn't whatever Jake was saying.

She knew that Jake's loyalties ultimately lay with Embry, but it hurt to know that he couldn't have her back even a little. He definitely took the 'bro's before ho's' thing a bit too seriously.

Jasper offered to go get a round of drinks and Edward followed him to the bar. Alice grabbed her elbow and asked if she was okay. Bella just nodded and discretely nodded to where Embry was. Alice blanched slightly, realizing how it must look. She offered to distract Edward so Bella could go talk to Embry.

"Alice, I don't have to hide Embry from him. I'm free to do whatever I want," Bella said before trailing off, "and so is he apparently."

Alice whipped to the bar to see some scummy redhead leaning into Edward. She growled low in her throat before it turned into an incredulous laugh when Edward basically face pushed the tramp away from him. Jasper was standing beside him with his jaw hung open.

When they made their way back over Alice offered Edward a knuckle bump which he laughed at but accommodated her anyway. Bella was laughing along with them but her focus was on Edward. Everything about this night so far had been confusing.

Embry caught her gaze across the bar and he nodded he head to the side of the bar where there was an open spot away from each of their friends. She nodded and excused herself from her group. Alice was staring at her, trying to convey some message that Bella just wasn't picking up.

When she made her way over to Embry he placed his hand at the back of her waist and kissed her temple.

"Hey," he breathed, "I missed you."

She frowned slightly and then looked up at him, "I, uh missed you too. Sorry I've been MIA."

He laughed lightly, "its okay, I know how it is with school and stuff; you're busy."

Bella just nodded and leaned into him slightly, playing with the hem of his grey button down shirt.

When she looked up again she saw his glance repeatedly flitting over to where she had come from. She heaved a sigh and looked at the floor again, "it's not what you're thinking it is," she said in a small voice.

He tugged her hands from his shirt to get her attention and began when she had finally looked up, "I'm not really thinking anything Bella. I mean, Jake said that guy's your ex or whatever, but it's not really my place to say anything either way."

She saw that his jaw had tightened slightly and felt terrible, "that's not true. I mean, he is my ex, but you do have a say. We're just here as friends, only friends, but I should have told you either way. It wasn't right to just show up with him."

Embry sighed and placed a hand against her jaw, "It's alright B. Trust me, I know what its like. But honestly, I'm not your boyfriend. Yeah, it's heading in that direction, but you don't owe me anything, not yet."

Bella just nodded silently and looked down at her riding boots.

He tugged her chin up to his and leaned down and kissed her briefly. "You have fun with your friends tonight, and so will I. We'll get together next week and we'll talk. If this, us, is what you want then we'll figure it out then. But if it isn't, if you want _someone_ else, I promise I'm not going anywhere. We _will_ be friends B."

Wow, she hadn't known her face was that much of an open book. He must have read the guilt all over it to come up with that speech. She nodded and forced a smile and lifted to give him a peck on the cheek. He laughed at her attempt and leaned down and he was over a head taller than her.

With a delicate push he sent her back towards her friends and she didn't look over her shoulder, knowing she'd probably see some heinous face on Jake.

When she arrived at the table that her friends had snagged she was pulled down into the same chair as Alice, even though there was an empty one. Alice handed her a tequila shot and took one for herself. They cheers'd each other and threw them back, while the boys laughed at them.

She met Edward's eyes across the table and was surprised to see him smiling, with no hints of animosity. While she was ecstatic that he was smiling, the sick, masochistic part of her was a little hurt that he wasn't more bothered by Embry. Had he really gotten over her that easily?

They spent the next hour drinking and laughing, except Edward, and catching up. Edward filled them in on the expansion of the shop and Bella beamed at him in pride. He was finally making his dreams happen, just like she was with school.

Jasper got up and blew some Johnny Cash out of the water, basically embarrassing anyone else who had bastardized songs at karaoke that night. Bella tried to urge Edward on stage but he steadfastly refused.

After one more shot Alice convinced Bella to go up on stage with her to sing Bella's favorite song, Crimson and Clover. Bella did most of the singing, as Alice could make ears bleed, while Ali spun around and twirled Bella. The boys stood and clapped, and Embry let out a wolf whistle. Bella blushed and Alice bowed in an over the top manner.

After that Bella slowed down on the drinking and Alice picked up where she had left off. She was on Jasper's lap now, making out with him sloppily. Bella had her eyes averted, but was awkwardly trying to avoid Edward's gaze as well. Thankfully, the tension was broken when Alice's name was called for another song.

Bella burst out laughing at the opening notes, and Jasper groaned and put his head in his hands. Edward just stared at the stage in shocked awe as Alice's dramatics took on a whole other level. That level was known as Michael Bolton. Alice clutched at her chest and belted out "How am I supposed to live without you".

When she got back to the table she was a drunken emotional wreck, insisting that she loved Jasper desperately. Only to turn and tell Bella that she was her whole heart. And once her eyes landed on Edward, it was all over. She launched herself at him, mumbling about how she was proud of him and how he was her best friend. He looked at Jasper horrified, trying to get him to help.

With a groan Jasper tossed Alice over his shoulder while Edward tossed cash on the table and guided Bella to the car by the small of her back. She tried to ignore the tingle his touch sent up her spine, and instead focus on how glad she was that she had stopped drinking.

She sat up front with Edward while Jasper tried to dry Alice's 'happy tears' and keep her hand off of his junk. When they arrived at their apartment Jasper quickly thanked Edward and carried Alice bridal style from the car. Bella made a move to exit as well and Edward quietly offered to give her a ride home. She took a deep breath and situated herself back in the car.

He handed her his ipod and she scrolled until she found that he still had her old play list on there. She smiled to herself and put it on her happy music; the Beach Boys. No matter what was going on in her life, their songs could always turn it around.

Edward quietly sang along to 'Don't Worry Baby' while Bella tried to control her inner fan girl and tell her not to throw her panties at the stage.

"So, that guy was your boyfriend?"

Bella whipped her head to look at him, making sure he was actually talking to her. He seemed to being beating himself up internally for speaking. "Uhm, it's complicated."

Edward's only response was a disbelieving snort.

Bella groaned, "You're right, that was lame. So fucking cliché. God, uhm no he's not my boyfriend. I guess we're seeing each other?"

Edward just nodded and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. Bella stared at his profile.

"Listen, not to be awkward, but you're taking this shockingly well," Bella stated while looking out the window, berating herself for needing validation from him.

Edward snorted once again, "Is that what you think?"

Bella nodded and continued to look out the window.

Edward heaved a huge sigh and ran his hands through his hair before returning his hand to the wheel, "I'm really trying here Bella. This is what you wanted. And I _do_ want to be friends, but don't you fucking think for one second that it didn't tear me apart to see that _guy_ put his hands and lips all over you."

Bella gasped and turned her gaze to him. She met his green stare head on and it rendered her speechless. His gaze was so intense, and suddenly it was broken by Edward shaking his head and looking back out the front window.

Bella cleared her throat; "is it bad that I'm glad?" she questioned in a tiny voice and began playing with her hands.

Edward turned his gaze to her once more, but she refused to meet it. He pinched the bridge of his nose, "so, what does this mean Bella. You're confusing the hell out of me here."

"I know…I'm sorry. I'm confusing myself too if that helps at all. I don't know what I want anymore. I thought I did…but it's just all so messed up right now. I do know that I need you in my life though."

Edward tugged at his head and stared out the window silently for a moment before nodding his head, "Okay. So, we're _friends_. I can handle that. But I make no promises; I can only take so much groping in front of me. So, if you could just, I don't know, keep the Jolly Green Giant for you private life…that'd be fucking fantastic."

Bella nodded, "That's fair. Sorry I'm such an asshole. I will figure it out- I promise."

Edward pulled up to campus and she directed him to her building. When they pulled up there was an awkward silence. Finally Bella leaned over the console, and as though it couldn't get any more awkward they had to do the whole hug/kiss dance, where they couldn't make up their mind.

Eventually, Edward just huffed and pulled her against him. He kissed her hair, and she couldn't be sure, but she was fairly confident he smelled it like a creeper. The thought brought a huge smile to her face, and Edward eyed her suspiciously as they leaned away from each other.

With a final wave and a promise to text Bella entered her dorm. When she reached her room she slid down the door and put her head in her hands, wondering what the hell she had gotten herself into.

**AN:** Reviews were down by quite a bit last chapter. Are you still with me? Are you happy with where we're going here? Any suggestions are always welcome. And I try and reply to all reviews- so let me know what you think! Love you all the absolute most! Xoxo-Jenna


	17. Chapter 17

**S. Meyer is a goddess and she owns all the original characterizations and plot lines. **

**AN: Huge thanks to my darling Orchid Child for some amazing ideas and inspiration in her last review! She's the reason this is out earlier than usual, so thank her and check out her stories! **

Edward left his parents house two weeks ago with a dual sense of relief and grief. Relief because he finally had a name to put to the strange feelings he had experienced his whole life. Grief because for the rest of his life he would have a stigma attached to him and the responsibility of taking mood stabilizers everyday. Carlisle explained that not taking them consistently every day at the same time every day could lead to 'episodes' more drastic than he had ever experienced.

Being closer to thirty than twenty, he acknowledged that it was time to grow up and quit fucking around. Being completely substance free for weeks had clarified things for him. He was lucky enough to not have fallen so far in that he experienced any real withdrawals. He missed the feeling of nothingness, sure, but he wasn't stuck with his head in the toilet waiting for it to get out of his system.

That being said, it wasn't easy. Thank god for Jasper. He had been there and knew Edward well enough to know that he wouldn't really want to talk about what he saw as his defect. While that worried Jasper, he was relieved enough that Edward had taken the first step to getting better that he let it slide.

To cut the edge off the cravings he spent a lot of time with Jasper at his house and around town. They weren't that strong if he wasn't alone. But when he was at his apartment by himself at night they were the worst. Everywhere he looked he saw Bella, which in itself wasn't a bad thing, it was the regrets that came along with it that killed him.

Sitting on the couch facing the coffee table made his stomach turn when he remembered the look on her face when she saw the glass covered in blow. Not just the hurt but the disappointment tore at his new sobriety. Every time he took a shower he got a goddamn woody, like a thirteen year old boy. He could only think about taking her up against the shower wall, with her strawberry scented shampoo sudsing and running down her back. What he wouldn't give to follow the trail the suds made just one more time.

He couldn't spend any longer in the kitchen then it took to make a pop tart or grab a granola bar. His travel mug stood unused beside the coffee maker. Before when he would leave early for work Bella would shuffle to the kitchen and make him a cup of coffee with her eyes half open. Now he just stopped at the coffee shop next to work.

He still wore her elastic around his wrist, and it was one of the only reminders that brought comfort rather than longing. Just running his fingers along the band could slow his racing heart if ever his heart beat with the need for an upper.

He was finishing up some paper work at the shop for the expansion when the chimes jingled above the door. He lifted his eyes and smirked when he saw Jasper enter in his slow saunter. Most anyone else would look ridiculous in his western shirt and wranglers, but somehow Jazz pulled it off.

"You owe me so bad fucker," Jazz said by way of greeting. Edward simply quirked an eyebrow in his direction and gestured for him to continue, "Bella's coming over for dinner before we go out. And so are you."

Edward said nothing for a moment, gripping his pencil before pointedly placing it on top of the contracts he had been proofing.

"Does she know I'm going to be there?"

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck and avoided contact, "Uhm, I'm sure Alice has told her by now."

Edward began to protest and couldn't help the racing of his heart. What if he ambushed Bella and she didn't want to see him. What if she walked out because of him again?

Jasper interrupted his inner turmoil, "Dude, if you're worried about it text her. You told her you wanted to be friends right? Well, Alice said you haven't called her yet."

Edward looked at him sharply, "She told Alice that? Is she mad that I haven't called yet?"

Jasper made a hand motion to settle down, "Christ Edward, she didn't tell Alice that she was mad or anything. Alice just says that she constantly checks her phone and tries to play if off like she doesn't give a fuck. But we all know Bella is as see through as a Texas whore's nightgown."

Edward snorted at Jazz's fucked up southern analogies, "If she hasn't said anything, she probably hasn't even noticed."

Jasper looked at him pitifully, "Dude, seriously? You're hopeless. Fucking text her or call her or some shit. She's a hot piece of barely legal ass, those college asshat's are gonna be all over her like stink on cattle. Quit wasting time."

Edward heaved a sigh, "You think I don't fucking know that? She's already way too good for my ass, I wanted to at least adjust to that stupid medicine Carlisle put me on before even being _friends_ with her."

Jasper looked at Edward for a moment debating on how to broach this subject. It wasn't often that he brought up Carlisle's diagnosis, and he wasn't sure if this was an opening or not.

"Edward, I really don't think Bella is the type to care about your diagnosis. Alice barely even blinked when I told her about mine when we first started dating. She just nodded like 'duh' and then asked if I would carry her bags in from the car. Bella's a cool ass chick, hombre."

"You're probably right. But I wasn't sure if the pills would fuck with me. Carlisle says that sometimes it takes a couple tries before you get the right combo of meds."

Jasper nodded, "That's definitely true. But I've been with you every day this week. Nothing fucked up has happened. You'll be fine around her. I promise."

Edward just nodded, unofficially ending their topic of conversation. Jasper ran next door to get them coffee's and Edward texted Bella asking if she wanted a ride to Jasper's. He found it safest to assume she knew he'd be there. If not then he'd let Alice take the heat for it.

Later that night when they were on their way to the bar, Edward found himself avoiding staring at Bella for the millionth time that night. His eyes continually drifted to the rear view mirror, trying to get a glimpse of her sitting next to Alice in the backseat. They were huddled together talking quietly.

He jumped slightly when Jasper pinched the skin by his jean covered kneecap. Edward sent him a glare, which Jasper returned with a pointed stare and a subtle glance towards the back. Edward heaved a sigh and nodded minutely.

Once in the bar the boys went to retrieve drinks from the bar, when Edward was approached by one of the many coke whores that hung around the bands that played Seattle's underground. She'd be sexy as hell if she didn't have fucked up pupils and wasn't always strung out. Somehow, Edward never noticed it until he was sober.

She ran her hand down his chest and rested her hand on his belt. Edward just stared down at her hand and then raised an eyebrow at her. She bit her lip and looked up through her lashes; a signature look that was Bella's alone and never failed to bring him to his knees. From the trashy redhead it just made him sick.

She was talking fast about something Edward couldn't even make out. Did he talk that fast when he was high? She was gnawing on her lip between sentences and darting her gaze around. He finally made out something about an after party downtown, and just shrugged non-committally.

She reached up on her toes and whispered 'for later' in his ear before shoving something in his front jeans pocket. After reaching into his pocket and enclosing his fist around a tiny coke vial, he began to see red. That same pocket housed Bella's elastic, where he had placed it so she wouldn't see him for the creep he really was. The thought of the vial touching his safe place made him want to hurl.

Instead he retracted it from his pocket and shoved it into the girl's chest, effectively telling her to fuckoff while spinning her away from him and Jazz. Jasper's eyes had been darting back and forth between them and the girls across the way for the whole interaction.

He let out a low whistle before clapping Edward on the back and retrieving the drinks, "You sure did just dodge a bullet haus, Alice was fixin' to rip your sac from your body."

Edward's eyes darted to the girls, he hadn't even thought about how it would look to Bella. But when they returned and Alice gave him daps, he knew all was good.

It took all his control to not rip the asshole's face off who called Bella into the darkened corner. His luck would have it that it wasn't fucking dark enough to obscure his view. To her credit, Alice tried to distract him with endless chatter. But his eyes had trouble staying away from the duo.

Bella returned to them after only a few minutes, which surprised Edward. The dude clearly had some sort of claim over her, and it was shocking that he'd let her come back over here. Especially since he was with the asshole that had been with Bella at the coffee shop. He had to know who Edward was.

Everyone else in his part sang karaoke and while it did give him some laughs, he couldn't stop thinking about Bella's boyfriend. She had moved on. He had promised to be friends, so he couldn't just back out because she had moved on. Friends weren't supposed to care about that shit.

When he dropped of Alice and Jasper, she tried to leave with them. In an ill advised move on his part he offered her a ride home instead. He immediately felt like an idiot, because now there would be no buffers between them, but he wasn't ready for the night to be over.

He shoved his hand in his pocket to finger the elastic and drove one handed. They were silent for a bit before she dropped a fucking bomb on him. She wanted him to be jealous? What. The. Fuck? Girl was all sorts of mindfucking with him. She said she wanted him in her life, but didn't know in what capacity. And his ass was just pussy whipped enough to agree.

His only stipulation: no fucking around with her _boyfriend_ in front of him. What the fuck had he turned into? His ass was so gone for this chick and he couldn't find his way back. Finally, with all sorts of confusing shit running through his head, they began the end of the night dance.

He had had fucking enough of it and hauled her against him, which had been a huge fucking mistake because as soon as he was assaulted with the smell of strawberries, his dick got hard and he just had to fucking kiss her hair. His ass was so fucked.

He waited for her to enter her building before slamming his head against his steering wheel in frustration. _Fuck my life. _

Edward drove to his apartment and shucked his clothes off before placing the elastic back on his wrist. He face planted on the bed and groaned. What the fuck had he gotten himself into? Being friends with Bella was all sorts of fucking with his _delicate_ psyche. Edward snorted at his own inner monologue. Fuck, he was such a pussy.

He woke up to a text from Jazz asking how his night had gone. There may have been a winky face and the use of the nick name Tiger. Edward huffed and decided not to dignify the text with a response.

He dragged himself from the bed and into the shower. He looked to the shelf, wishing he'd see some strawberry shampoo, with which to help in his self abuse. When he found none he heaved a sigh and treated his body like he was fucking thirteen again. This was getting fucking ridiculous. His dick and his hand were on far too friendly of terms for his liking these days.

Once he arrived at the shop he saw that Rosalie was at the front desk with notebooks spread out in front of her. He looked over her shoulder and saw that she had party planning magazines and catalogues spread out amongst the notebooks.

"For the launch party of Carty&Cullen." She said without looking up from her furious scribbling.

To be honest he had completely forgot about the launch and grand re-opening that was to take place next Saturday. All the construction and re-designing would be finished Thursday and Rose had been placed in charge of the party.

Edward nodded and ruffled her hair which earned him a death glare and a punch to the kidneys. He made a hasty retreat to his piercing room after a quick stop in the break room where Rosalie had thoughtfully laid out coffee and croissants. He inhaled two on the way to his studio and chugged the way too hot coffee.

He didn't have any appointments as the place was still being worked on, but he wanted to work on designing his room for the re-opening. Emmett had painted some sick murals on his wall that played off of the tattoos that littered his body. The work was beyond impressive and it was like looking at a larger than life painting of his torso.

His eyes were caught on a new addition since the last time he had been there. Among the cityscape that ran the length of all the walls, Emmett had littered stars along the sky line. In a small section near where his desk was the stars aligned to spell out

_Bella._ His breath caught and he stared at the spot for countless minutes.

He couldn't bring himself to be mad at Emmett for taking artistic freedom with his walls. He wanted to see it every day. Emmett had asked him if he regretted getting the tattoo of her name shortly after the break up. He had taken a moment before answering but when he did, he was being more honest than he had ever been in his whole life.

"No," at Emmett's incredulous look he continued, "She's fucking gone. But this isn't," he ran his fingers over the mark, "if I look at this and feel half as happy as I did the day I got it, then it was fucking worth it."

That had sent him in to thoughts of what had spurred him to get it in the first place. He had found her college documents the night before but hadn't said anything about them. He had been hurt that she hadn't said anything, but also fucking proud of her. His girl was smart. He knew it, now everyone would know it.

The next morning he had been lying in bed staring at the way the sun lay against her skin, and the soft snores coming from her body. Only this girl could make fucking snoring look cute. At the moment he had been more at peace than he had been in years. He had drawn her closer to him and when she snuggled in and unconsciously sniffed against his chest, he had fallen back asleep with a smile on his face.

Rousing himself from his reverie he made a split minute decision. He picked up his phone and texted Bella to invite her to the party. Her reply came almost immediately.

_I'm not sure that's a great idea…I've sort of been avoiding Rose._

Edward laughed at that. He knew how pushy Rose could be and he was surprised she hadn't tracked Bella down in person.

_Fuck that, she'd love to see you, so would Emmett. -E_

_Oh ya, just Rose and Emmett?- B_

Edward laughed out loud at that. When had little Bella gotten so ballsy?

_You know I fucking want to see you too, little girl. -E_

_J__ should I come with Jazz?-B_

_No. You're coming with me. I'll pick you up at 8.- E_

She didn't reply for fifteen nerve-racking minutes. Edward had started to lift his nails to his mouth to begin chewing when his phone chimed. He almost didn't want to look. Had he overstepped? Did she think it was a date? Fuck, did he? Fuck and yes he did. But he couldn't say that to her, or make her think that's what he wanted. _Fucking friends. Bullshit._

The text she sent lit his face in a huge smile. He refrained from doing a fist pump, though he was sorely tempted.

_I'll be the one in the sexy dress in front of my building. Don't be late Cullen. -B_

**AN: Hi lovelies! I continue to receive thoughtful and very constructive reviews, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I love hearing what you think and where you want this to go. I really do take your advice, promise! Xoxoxoxoxo-Jenna**

**Also, my darling LindseyG1981 submitted a wonderful summary and I posted that for this story! Thanks so much BB! xoxoxoxoxo**


	18. Chapter 18

**S. Meyer is a goddess, she owns all the original characterizations and plot lines. **

Bella stared at the phone in her hand- where the hell had that come from? She wanted to be friends; friends didn't send sexy, flirty text messages. She dropped her face to her palm and groaned. She wasn't following any of the rules she had set for herself. Speaking of rules, she needed to call Embry.

Before Edward had begun acknowledging her again it hadn't seemed necessary. While she was fairly certain the launch party wasn't a date, it could certainly be misconstrued that way. Embry had been beyond patient and wonderful these past months and she owed him more than that.

She heaved a sigh and gave her cell phone one more dirty look before typing out a message to Embry asking him to meet her in front of her building when he was done work. He replied immediately that he would be by at six. She smiled sadly at the phone, he was so reliable. She sincerely hoped she didn't lose him completely after the talk they would be having.

In the hours until Embry was due, Bella set to her main stress reliever, nesting. She cleaned her dorm room top to bottom, which only took a half an hour due to its postage stamp size. She justified it saying she was saving herself trouble for when she had to leave at the end of the month.

Next she gave herself a pedicure and manicure in pale pink, smiling at the girlie frivolity of it. Next she took the time to straighten her hair till it gleamed like silk. With a sigh she saw that the clock hadn't moved all that much closer to six.

She decided to go to the coffee shop and pick up a coffee for herself as well as a couple sandwiches for her and Embry to eat when he was done work.

When she entered she almost turned back around at the sight of the huge hulking back in line. _Emmett._ While things were…good…with her and Edward, she hadn't righted things with Rose yet.

Bella had totally bailed on their friendship when she left Edward, and while it was justified, it wasn't exactly right. Bella treated the break up as a sort of divorce, in which Edward had walked away with Rose and Emmett as he had entered the relationship with them.

Now she realized her screwed up logic as Alice was clearly Team Edward now. He hadn't stayed away from Ali, granted Jasper was his best friend.

While Bella was caught in her inner monologue Emmett had turned from the counter with three to-go cups of coffee and planted a huge smile on his face.

"Well I'll be damned. It's like seeing a damn ghost," Emmett boomed as he placed all three cups in one of his huge hands and pulled Bella to him with one meaty arm, "how ya been, peanut?"

Bella swallowed thickly and forced a smile, his generosity and forgiveness overwhelming, "I'm good Em, it's so good to see you!"

Emmett chuckled once more and ruffled her hair, jokingly oooing and ahhhing over its softness. He gestured for her to head to the counter and that he would wait for her.

When she had her coffee in one hand and a brown bag in the other she finally returned to him. He slung his arm over her shoulder and directed her outside.

"I'm heading back to the shop…you wanna come? We're putting last minute touches before Friday." Emmett said while beginning leading them in that direction.

Bella slowed them slightly, "I uh can't come right now Em; I have plans. But I'll be there on Friday for sure."

Emmett got a shit eating grin, "Ya, I heard, with Edward right? You two are so friggen ass backward."

Bella frowned at him, "He told you? Did he say it was a date?"

Emmett laughed his huge startling laugh, "Jesus peanut, we're not in fuckin junior high here. He told us you'd be there and that he was picking you up. Sounds like a fuckin date to me."

Bella blushed furiously, and tried to veer the topic, "Is Rose mad I'm coming?"

Emmett's brow knit in confusion, "no…why would she be mad?"

"I haven't been returning her calls for months Em, she has to be pissed."

Emmett rolled his eyes, "naw, don't worry about it kid. She blames Douche-ward. Her nick name, not mine."

Bella snorted a laugh before beginning to defend Edward. Emmett waved off her explanations.

"I hear enough from the two of them, I'm just glad you're back Peanut. Eddie's all emo and shit now. It's been great for business. Kid's super focused, but shit now he has all these feelings…"Emmett trailed off with a mock shudder.

Bella laughed and pushed Emmett jokingly. They walked together for another couple of minutes until they reached the street Bella had to go down to make it to campus. Emmett puller her to him and kissed the side of her head.

Bella smiled at him and gave him the knuckle bump he requested with a roll of her eyes.

When she returned to her room she realized she had killed more time than she thought, and it was only twenty minutes until Embry would be there. She changed quickly into yoga pants and a fitted Strokes t-shirt before settling onto her bed to do some quick studying for finals.

Embry texted her a half hour later telling her he was downstairs and she went to let him in. He kissed her lightly on the lips and she smiled at him. She would miss that. There wasn't fire in the kiss, but it was like hot chocolate on a cold day, comforting.

Embry sat on her bed and drew up his knees and crossed them, looking slightly ridiculous on her tiny bed. She giggled at him and mock glared right back at her.

She handed him a sandwich and he grinned his huge happy grin at her. It made her heart hurt slightly. But no where near as bad as it did the last time she ended something.

They ate in companionable silence and when he finished his in minutes she gave him the other half of hers. He kissed her cheek and accepted it. She watched him in silence as he ate. When he finally noticed he rolled his eyes and gently flicked her forehead, breaking her stare.

Bella smirked at him, but it quickly fell. She cleared her throat before she began, "So I know I already mentioned it, but I've been hanging out with Edward again…"

Embry nodded and leaned against the wall, "your ex? Ya."

Bella took a deep breath, "Yeah, uhm at first it was just me trying to be friends. I wanted him in my life in some form. I honestly didn't and don't want him to be my boyfriend again right now. But there are feelings there, on both of our parts, I think. And I just don't think its fair for me to keep seeing you. To you or to him."

Embry stared at her for a second before smiling softly, "I can't say I'm really surprised Bells. I mean it's not like what we have is the end all or be all of relationships." He smirked at his last statement.

Bella made a face at him, "You're shockingly cool about this," she said with a hint of suspicion in her voice.

Embry laughed at her raised eyebrow, "Seriously Bella, can you honestly say you loved me _like that _or were even close. Cuz I wasn't. We're being honest here right? I love you as a friend, as a best friend, but there isn't really much of a…"

"Spark," Bella offered with a small smile. Embry nodded emphatically. Bella heaved a sigh of relief and leaned into his side, "So, will you still be my best friend? Even if I don't make out with you anymore?"

"I don't know, Alice is your other best friend…do you make out with her? Cuz if so, I'm going to have to insist on keeping those privileges." Embry said with an obscene eyebrow wiggle in her direction.

Bella smacked him in the stomach and collapsed in giggles. He slung his arm around her shoulder and gestured to the TV. "So what's on cue for tonight Swan?"

Bella smiled up at him; beyond relieved he was going to be cool with her. "The Notebook?"

Embry fake gagged, "No way Swan, if I'm losing make out privileges, you're losing Notebook privileges."

Bella hugged him as tight as she could before jumping up and putting St. Elmo's Fire in the DVD player.

On Wednesday Bella went shopping with Alice for a dress for the party. Ali finally talked her into a mid-thigh, purple satin dress that had a sweetheart neckline. It was gorgeous on, and Bella honestly didn't put up that much of a fight. She did however put up a fight at the register when Alice insisted that it was 'covered'.

Bella eyed her suspiciously until Alice just rolled her eyes and led her to Aldo to talk her into some five inch pumps. Bella drew the line there and knocked them down to three inches. The flat black pumps were simple and would accent the dress perfectly, while easily being paired with another outfit at another date.

Finally Alice took her to buy some gold jewelry to accent her purple dress and the slight red highlights in her hair. Bella just pretended to understand what all that meant and went with it.

They ended with lunch where Alice insisted on hearing verbatim what was said with Embry. Bella humored her and at the end of the story Alice nodded sagely, like she had seen it all coming.

Bella laughed at her Yoda expression and jokingly face-pushed her away. They spend the rest of the day at Alice's apartment where Alice re-painted her nails and toes in a pretty burgundy color.

Jasper was there and honestly acting kinda shady, lingering over their toes, and heaping comments that didn't even make sense on them.

"That color makes your toes look skinny Alice." Jasper said with a kiss to her forehead.

"What. The. Fuck." Alice shrieked and back handed him in the chest.

"Uhm…don't you like to be called skinny? I mean shit, you ARE skinny. Your toes are beautiful." Jasper stuttered.

"And you call yourself Edward's love guru," Alice said with a glint in her eye, "Oh fuck, that's what this is, isn't it? It's a fact finding mission! You sneaky bastard!"

Jasper began to back up slowly with his palms raised, "Now listen little Mama, I'm just trying to do my dude a solid."

Alice pounced and held Jasper down and called Bella over, "Go for his sides, he'll freak the fuck out and think twice before he tells is dude anything."

Bella giggled and launched into pinching Jazz's sides. He was squirming like a 'tied hog'- his words, not theirs, before finally calling mercy and promising not to tell Edward a damn thing other than that Bella's toes looked completely proportional to her body. That earned him a parting side shot from Ali.

Friday came and Bella finally convinced Alice not to assault her with curling irons and facial masks, insisting she had it covered. Alice was more than a little skeptical, but figured Edward clearly liked something about grunge-chic, so she let her have her way.

Bella smoothed the skirt of her dress and took a deep breath before heading downstairs. Edward had texted that he was there, and when she cleared the lobby she saw him leaning against his car holding a singly blood red bloom, that didn't appear to be a rose.

Bella stopped a few feet in front of him and tried mentally to keep her panties from bursting into flames.

Edward had on dark grey fitted dress pants, a lighter gray button up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and suspenders. Fucking suspenders. And that was just till she got to the best part. On top of his beautiful bronze hair was a slightly askew fedora. _Gah._

She would've felt like an idiot if he was wearing his trademark, knowing smirk. But he wasn't. He looked…to be honest like he had just gotten slapped in the face. Bella's cheeks heated at his blatant stare. She didn't hold it against him as she had just eyefucked his suspenders.

When he finally reached her gaze he subconsciously swallowed and when she saw the tip of his pink tongue peak out to wet his lips she almost came.

_Ya, good work B, definitely doing a great job on the 'friends' front. You're eyeing him like a god damned harlot. Harlot? What. The. Fuck. _

Bella broke out of her inner monologue when Edward held open her door and gestured her in. When she brushed past him to slip in he placed a hand at the small of her back and whispered into her ear, "Stunning."

Bella smiled at him over her shoulder and slid into the seat. She arranged the dress around her legs nervously, but stopped once he entered the car. _Play it cool Swan. Head in the fucking game. _

Edward started the engine and backed out of the space. Once he was on the road he placed his right hand on her headrest to play with the soft curls of her hair. She was suddenly ecstatic she left it down; also that she had done it herself. If Ali had had her way it would've been sprayed into a cinder block or in some intricate pinned fashion.

"I'm so glad you agreed to come with me Bella." Edward's gravely voice jerked Bella's attention to his face and off of the hand that was lazily assaulting the nape of her neck.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it, Edward."

Edward grinned at her and focused back on the road, "It means a lot B. I've just worked really hard on this, and I don't want to share it with anyone other than you."

Bella smiled at her lap and felt the blush heat her cheeks. Her eyes jerked up when she felt the backs of Edward's fingers run against the apple of her cheek. He met her gaze and his green ones smiled into her shocked chocolate eyes.

He laughed to himself and shook his head, returning his hand to the steering wheel and his gaze to the road.

The pulled up to the back of the shop and parked in Edward's designated spot before skirting the side of the building to get to the front. Edward's hand was on the small of her back and Bella was content to bask in his nearness.

When they reached the front Bella was surprised to see many people in the roped off area out front. They were holding flutes of champagne and smoking cigarettes. Edward leaned over and explained it had taken fucking forever to get the permits to extend the party to the blocked off section.

Edward nodded to the man holding the clipboard at the front door and ushered her in before him. When they entered Emmett hooted from his perch on the counter where Rose usually sat. Everyone turned to the door and began applauding.

Edward's cheeks pinkened and Bella smirked at him, he glared at her from under his lashes as he rubbed the back of his neck. He just waved slightly and headed towards Emmett, thankful everyone had settled down. He grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing tray for Bella, and grabbed a water from the cooler behind the counter for himself.

"So what do you think," he asked nervously.

Bella smiled her eyes huge with awe as she scanned the room. It was completely different from what it was like before. They had bought the empty business next door and knocked down wall expanding to over twice the original size. The waiting area was now a huge open space, which is where most of the guests were hanging. Edward leaned over and explained they planned to host a lot of tattooing events and parties.

She saw that they had added two knew tattoo rooms and looked at him quizzically to which he discreetly pointed to a man and woman with matching white blond hair. They were clearly twins. Edward explained that Jane and Alec would be added to help Emmett with the tattooing as they had been overwhelmed with clients lately.

Her visual tour was interrupted when 6 foot of pure woman stepped into her eyesight. Rosalie stood before her in a skin tight leopard print dress and five inch black heals. Her hair was styled like a pin up model, and Bella developed a girl crush instantly.

"Damn lady." Bella said with a nervous smile.

Rose stared at her for a full minute before breaking into a smile, "I know right? You totally have lady wood right now don't you?"

Bella laughed heartily and was pulled into a tight embrace from Rose who whispered in her ear to never fucking ignore her again. Bella pulled away with tears in her eyes and nodded emphatically. Rose gave one stiff nod before turning to Edward.

"Well your date's way too fucking hott for your pretty boy ass, I think I might make a move Cullen. Watch your back." And with that parting shot she sauntered away to perch herself on Emmett's knee.

Edward smirked and pulled Bella back against his chest, "She's right you know. You're by far the most beautiful woman here."

Bella shuddered in his arms which made him tighten his grip.

"Bite your tongue Cullen. It had better at least be a fucking tie." Alice said, appearing out of nowhere with her hand on her hip.

Jasper shook his head at his girlfriend's antics before offering his fist to Edward for a bump.

Edward chuckled, "You look lovely Alice."

Alice waved him off basically vibrating in place, before gushing about how smoking' Bella looked and that she couldn't have done any better. Bella blushed and told Alice that she was all sorts of sexy.

Jasper and Edward looked at each other in confusion before shrugging it off. Edward handed Alice a glass from the passing tray and Jazz a bottle of water. He had stopped drinking as well, inspired by Edward. He had never been supposed to drink with his medicine either, but had ignored the warnings before his show of solidarity with Edward.

Jasper gave him a nod before pulling Bella into a hug, "Well don't you look prettier than a blue bonnet."

Bella laughed at Jasper's ridiculous saying before pinching his side, which made him hand her off to Edward saying, 'She's all yours cowboy.'

The party progressed and Edward was approached by countless amounts of people wanting to know about the partnership and expansion. He felt guilty that Bella might be bored, but she just stood by his side patiently, only occasionally leaving to talk with Alice or Rose.

She had been introduced to the new twins, and immediately liked them, though they were strangely quiet. They seemed to have a calming affect, and she surmised that it would be a wonderful balance to Emmett's boisterous nature.

She was leaning against the counter at Edward's side when he handed her second glass of the night (she had been consciously pacing herself) and led her to a side room.

When he flipped the light switch she was assaulted by the most beautiful artwork that she had ever seen. Once she looked closer she realized she had already seen it. She had seen it every night with Edward when she had undressed him slowly.

She left his side to trail her fingers over the walls. She made a few slow passes of the room before stopping at his table. She traced her name that was in her own hand writing before looking over her shoulder at him with questions in her eyes.

Edward nodded in silent answering. Her gaze shifted to his forearm in response, and he held it out to her. She gasped softly at the sight of her scrawl on his skin. She had expected him to get it covered after she left him. The fact that he didn't, made her heart ache.

Ache for the pain they had both been through, but also for the pain that was still to come. There was no fast and easy fix to what they had done to each other. He had treated her less than she deserved, more times than she could count. And she gave up on him.

There had been a long road of loneliness to even make it back to _friends._ No matter how easy it seemed to be together now, and how much she wanted just that, she knew that it wasn't that simple. They had too much to work through before they could get back to where they were before.

To be honest, that wasn't what she really wanted. She never wanted to feel that way again. If there were going to make it work this time, things would have to be completely different.

While it already seemed they were, she knew that they had had good times before too. Things could change in an instant. One thing she was sure of; this time she wasn't going to just jump into being his girlfriend. They had moved in together almost immediately last time, and if they were going to make this work they had to take things much slower this time.

That thought brought something she knew she had to tell Edward to the front of her mind. She swallowed and walked to stand right in front of him, when the door opened.

"Edward! It's all so beautiful! We're so proud of you!" A stunning caramel haired woman exclaimed as she burst into the room, "Who's this?"

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose before turning Bella to face his parents, "Mom, dad, this is Bella."

Bella gasped softly before swinging her gaze between Edward and the beautiful woman, who upon closer inspection was flanked by the most beautiful man she had ever seen. To be honest, more beautiful than Edward. Edward was sex on legs, but this man was the stuff people painted. He was technically perfect.

Edward nudged her discretely, first to get her to take the hand his mother had offered, and secondly to get her fucking eyes off his fucking father. Edward groaned internally, his only saving grace was that he looked identical to his father in facial structure, having only inherited his coloring from his mother.

"Hi…it's nice to meet you." Bella stuttered and blushed.

Carlisle lifted her hand to his lips, "You weren't exaggerating son; she's lovely."

Bella's cheeks felt like they were on fire and she averted her gaze.

Edward groaned loudly, "Aww hell. Really dad?"

Carlisle smirked; he was having fun at his son's expense and enjoying every second of it. The abrupt switch in his son could be attributed not only to the medicine he prescribed but also to the lovely woman in front of him. He was grateful. There was a time Edward would have stormed out and refused to speak to them for months. Now he just seemed good naturedly frustrated with his father's blatant flirting.

Esme swatted his shoulder and he sent her a roguish wink, knowing she enjoyed the effect he had on women just as much as he did. She knew he only had eyes for her and from the side eyes this beautiful young woman was sending his son, her eyes were reserved for him as well.

**AN: Sorry it took so long lovelies! I won't bore you with details, but it has been a trying few weeks for me, I know you understand and love me anyway- right? I tried to get it to you ASAP. Did you like it? Please give me feedback! I really do cater the story to your wants and dislikes, so let me know! Xoxo-Jenna**


	19. Chapter 19

**S. Meyer owns all the original characterizations and plot lines. **

Edward knew he was being irrational but he couldn't help but throw his father dirty looks. _Fucking Carlisle, your old ass needs to quit with the panty dropper bullshit. _It didn't escape his notice the amused glances his dad was shooting him in answer.

When he heard Bella laugh at yet another one of his father anecdotes from the hospital he scoffed. She turned her huge doe eyes on him with a look of confusion and he just gave her a tight smile and a shake of his head. And his fucking mother was eating this shit up. He almost rethought his sobriety by grabbing a glass of scotch.

Jasper caught his eye and gave him a curious glance. Edward heaved a sigh and excused himself and Bella from his parents and led them over to Alice and Jazz.

"You okay man?" Jasper questioned with a clap to his shoulder.

Edward's eyes darted to Bella but she wasn't paying attention, instead talking to Alice about shoes or some other ridiculous girl thing. Edward smirked in her direction and then nodded at Jazz. He was about to reply when Emmett's booming voice halted all thoughts of conversation.

"How are my two favorite baby snatchers?" Emmett practically yelled, draping his huge arms around Jasper and Edward and leaning drunkenly.

Jasper and Edward both turned to glare at him and toss his arms off. Emmett just looked at them like, _what?_

Edward's eyes darted to Bella to see her jaw hanging open and Alice squinting at Emmett. His attention was then drawn to his parent's who were standing with Alice and Bella now, clearly having just struck up a conversation with the girls. It was silent. Dead fucking silent.

_Fuck. My. Life. _Edward just stared at his parents, not really knowing what to say.

Finally after a moment of uncomfortable silence, Carlisle interjected, "Never fear Eddie, your mother robbed my cradle as well," he declared with a dramatic wink.

He gagged at his parents when he mother drawled an _Ohh Carlisle_ and slapped at his chest. This was his nightmare. Not to mention, Bella fucking giggled at him yet again.

Alice had maneuvered her way next to Emmett and was sticking her finger into his chest and giving him a piece of her mind. It was quite comical as Emmett was easily three times her size. She was making threats about convincing Rosalie to deny access to her 'naughty no-no zone.'

Edward squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a moment before manning up and heading over to Bella's side. He placed his arm around her waist and pulled her into his side, while sending a sneer at his father. Ya, he was being ridiculous, so the fuck what.

His dad snorted outright at his behavior and his mother sent him a stunning grin. Those little shits planned this.

"So Bella, since my son is apparently robbing nurseries these days, I find it prudent to inquire your age." Carlisle drawled, his voice taking on some of the English accent of his youth.

Bella blushed, "Oh uh, I'm nineteen. I'm a freshman at the University."

Carlisle simply inclined his head to her. Esme launched into tales of her time at University with her arm resting on Bella's forearm. She was gushing about how she should rush the sorority that she was an alumni of and how she would gladly sponsor her.

Edward felt her stiffen in his grasp, and though they had never talked of it, he instinctually knew that his Bella wasn't a 'joiner'. He listened as she politely tried to deflect the offer. Stating that she would be taking a six class course load next semester. Edward looked down at her in surprise, he hadn't known that, and though he hadn't been to school, he knew that was insane.

"My dear, that's quite a lot! I can't imagine. Of course, I was married in college, so it was difficult to go full time, but it was still the best time of my life."

"Well, I'm trying to play catch up. I deferred my first semester, and my original scholarship was for four years only." Bella said with a slight blush. It was obvious she was uncomfortable with the attention.

Esme's eyes darted to her son, and she took in the slight frown marring his features. When he caught her staring he fixed his face into his normal crooked grin before Bella could turn and catch the frown as well.

He couldn't help but feel guilty about her words. She was going to be killing herself next semester because he had been a selfish prick. If it wasn't for him she would have been in school like she planned. She would've had the life that a normal eighteen year old should've had.

He recognized his thoughts going to dark places and felt the slight tremor in his hands that indicated a craving. He took a deep breath and ran through the deflection techniques that Carlisle had taught him during his last session.

A moment later he looked up and his gaze met his father's. Carlisle lifted an eyebrow as if to inquire if he was alright. Edward just nodded slightly and turned his attention back to the women in his life. Their conversation had turned to a lunch date that Esme wanted to set up with her in the near future.

Edward had conflicting emotions about this new friendship between his mother and his…Bella. He didn't want Esme pushing Bella toward him; she had made it abundantly clear that she was working her way back to him…slowly. Like snail slowly. He also had lingering anxiety from his past that had kept her separated from his family in the first place. He had irrational fears of his parents warning Bella off of him.

He acknowledged that they were in fact irrational, but that didn't stop the anxiety yet. He was working on it. He knew how hurt his parents had been about the baby and then subsequently his severing ties with Kate. He didn't want them to tell Bella all of his secrets.

He tried to shake it off and offer a smile. He gave Bella a squeeze and leaned down to ask her if she wanted to take a walk with him. She turned and looked up at him and his heart stuttered, she really was staggering beautiful. It was her trust in him; even after all he had put her through that floored him. At times he had to stop and catch his breath; the weight of her trust could be overwhelming.

Carlisle had warned him in a previous meeting that the pressure could be harmful to his progress and could ignite set backs, but Edward had vehemently assured him that Bella was worth it. She was the only good, light thing in his life for the past however many years. He was stupid enough to push her away once; he wasn't going to do it again.

It was that conversation that Edward assumed, had prompted his mother and father's tag-team against him and Bella. They were feeling him out. Apparently, they approved of Bella whole heartedly, which was comforting, but overwhelming as well.

He tried to swerve his overactive mind from his crazy thoughts and excused himself and Bella. He led her by the small of her back out into the late spring night.

He pulled her deeply into his side and ran his hand up and down her bare arm to stave off the slight chill. He led her past the outdoor smoking section until they were strolling the lit up downtown area.

"Thanks for coming with me Bella. I'm sorry if my parent's are too much…" he trailed off and looked at the cracked sidewalk.

Bella turned her body into his and kept walking, "They're wonderful Edward, and they love you so much. I'm really really glad you asked me to come," she finished with a slight blush tinting her cheeks as she stared up at him.

He gave her an extra squeeze and smiled down at her before pulling her along with him.

When they reached the water fountain he pulled her to a stop. They stared at the lights glinting off the water silently for a few moments before Edward handed her a penny and told her to make a wish.

Bella giggled and dramatically clutched the penny to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut before delicately tossing it in the fountain.

Edward stared down at her enthralled at the lights playing off her cheeks. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up at him. The smile on her face stole his breath yet again, she looked so happy.

"I really want to kiss you right now," Edward whispered in a gritty voice. When he saw Bella's eyes go wide he clenched his shut and dropped his chin to his chest and took a deep breath, preparing to step away.

He felt her tiny hand on his chest and his eyes shot to hers. She had her bottom lip stuck between her teeth yet again and it was like a lightning bolt to his dick, which he was currently giving a stern talking to in his head about how to behave in the presence of a lady.

He was floored yet again when she rose on her toes, bringing her even closer to him than her ridiculous shoes already did. She wobbled slightly and he prayed it was the shoes and not the champagne. He put his hand on her lower back to steady her and waited, he wasn't moving in or back, this was all on her.

Her beautiful brown eyes were staring into his, seemingly looking for something. She must have gotten her answer because before he could wet his lips she was practically climbing up his chest to close the last inches between them.

The kiss only lasted a moment and it was sweet, no tongue, no biting, and the way they used to kiss, but it was the best he'd ever had. When she pulled away, both had their eyes shut tight, knowing when they opened them everything would have changed.

When Edward opened his eyes he saw that she had started to panic, and his stomach dropped. She had her thumb nail between her teeth and had turned slightly away from him to gaze at the fountain.

"Don't. Just don't Bella. Be mad at me or whatever, but don't regret it," Edward pleaded in a voice tinged with anger.

"I don't it's just…" Bella trailed off and stared at the water once again.

"Is it him? Cuz I gotta tell you B, I'm really fucking sick of this kid interrupting us. He isn't even fucking here right now."

Bella looked at him with glassy eyes, "It isn't Embry…I uh ended things with him."

Edward frowned for a moment, "I didn't get the impression there was much to end…I thought you said he wasn't your boyfriend."

"He wasn't, but he didn't deserve me sneaking around either. He could've loved me Edward, if I had let him."

Edward growled in his chest, "I do love you Bella, and this back and forth is really fucking with my head. But let's be real fucking honest here, I'm gonna let you keep on doing it because you fucking own me."

Bella turned to him fully with her jaw dropped open, "I get that I'm jerking you around Edward, I don't want to, trust me. But every time I think I can move on from what happened, I flash back to you and the other girls, or the coke, or the yelling, and I just can't do it."

Edward clutched at his hair with hands, "I fucked up, I get that Bella. I fucking _hate_ myself for what I put you through. But I can't change it, I can't. I'm trying so fucking hard to show that that's not who I want to be anymore. But I don't know if it'll ever be enough. Will there always be these little college boys waiting in the wings to come sweep you up whenever I fuck up?"

Bella had tears streaming down her face, "I ended it with him because he wasn't you. He was nice to me, protective, respectful, but that was it. I'm so fucked up in the head over you that I missed the fighting, I missed the crying. I missed seeing your fingerprints on my body because it was not yours, not because you hurt me. You held me so tightly as if I was always one step from leaving," her voice trailed off brokenly at the end.

Edward was floored. He hated hearing about some other guy, but hearing how she craved him set of a primal feeling inside of him. He reached his hand into the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her face to his.

He kissed her with all the love and frustration that had been building in him for months. Their teeth clashed together and their tongues danced the timeless dance that they both remembered so well from their previous love. He tried to slow the pace of the kiss, not wanting to frighten her off now that she was finally in his arms again.

He had both hands cupping her face, softly stroking the apples of her cheeks with his thumbs. He began to pull away but at the last second took her full bottom lip between his teeth and bit gently before soothing it with his tongue.

When he pulled away his hands stayed on her face and he stared down at her closed lids. Her cheeks felt warm under his thumbs and he grinned at the blush covering her face and chest. He still had it.

She didn't shake his grasp off but her face tilted down to stare at the ground, "I thought after everything that happened, I didn't want to feel anything. I never wanted to love someone that much again, I didn't think I could. But I do still love you Edward. It's just different now, you're different. It's like falling in love all over again but with a new man…but it doesn't change the past. I want to just forget it, I do, but I can't."

"What are you saying Bella," Edward questioned in a pained voice.

"I'm not saying anything yet Edward. You say you love me, and I still love you, but I'm not ready to be together again. I'm sorry. I can't ask you to wait for me, that isn't fair to you. But I have to try and move past the old stuff before we can try this new stuff out."

Edward heaved a sigh of relief and kissed her forehead, "You love me. That's enough. I promise it's enough. I'm gonna be so much better, I promise, you'll see."

Bella nodded and looked up through her lashes, he watched in confusion as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Uhm I was trying to tell you earlier, and now is really shitty timing, but I have to tell you something."

Edward's hands gripped minutely tighter on her cheeks, "What is it?"

"I'm going back to Forks. I'm leaving after finals."

Edward dropped his hands to his sides, "But you're coming back right?"

Bella nodded, "Yeah, it's just for the summer. I have to be out of the dorms and things are better with Charlie."

Edward breathed with relief yet again before it settled in that he would go months without seeing her again.

"You can stay here B. You don't have to go back to Forks."

"I can't impose on Alice and Jazz again and I definitely can't move back into a one bedroom apartment with you." She said in a joking manner.

"I can get a different apartment, a bigger one."

Bella snorted, "Don't be silly Edward; I'm going back to Forks. We both have shit to work out, clearly. Maybe in the fall things will be clearer and all these feelings won't be so extreme."

"Don't go."

Bella heaved a sigh but smiled at him softly, "You can't ask me not to go Edward. You know I have to. This will be good for me, for us. I really believe that. I need to be alone for awhile without any distractions."

"I feel like I'm losing you again."

Bella laughed softly, "I want to say something all tough about me not being yours to lose, but I'm done fucking around. You're not losing me. I just need to do my own thing for a bit."

Edward grinned at her, "So are you saying your mine?"

Bella slapped his chest, "You're such an asshole. No I'm not yours, I'm myself, but I think you're mine. You're throwing yourself at me pretty hard Cullen," Bella said with a smile in her voice.

**AN: Sorry for the delay again lovelies. Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!**


End file.
